"y0! Whaaazzzuuuuuupp??" |
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"y0! Whaaazzzuuuuuupp??" |
How it all began (long version):
Many many years ago, there was this man. His name was Primster. Primster was looking at a mountain and thought "WTF?" 'cause he noticed a bush that was burning but never burned up. He thought that this bush was definitely a bush with a Glockenspiel and that it was sooooo w00t! Primster decided to climb the mountain and see what was going on with this freaky bush. That mountain was called Steinbruch. Primster climbed the mountain and saw the l33t bush and sure enough it was burning but it still wasn't burned up. Primster looked at it for a while and thought "w00000t….. a fusion powered bush" when he heard a strange voice in his head.
The voice called: "Primster."
Primster said: "y0! strange voice. Whaaaaaaazzzzuuuuuupp??"
The voice said: "Remove your sneakers, Müsli. You are standing
on Holy Ground."
Primster said: "OMG! What you say?"
Then the voice said: "I want you to lead my people to l33tness. Go
to them and say 'The Steinbruch' sent me. That is my name for all
generations."
The people of Vienna had been sooooo lame for a long time and now Primster
was leading them to l33tness. After Primster had rounded them together
they left and the Steinbruch was with them. He took care of them on the
long journey. He loved the people and the people loved Him.
The Steinbruch asked Primster to return to the holy place where they
first met and gave him ten laws.
The Steinbruch said: "I am the Steinbruch thy
Sanctum from now on. These are your Commandments which everyone
is to follow."
They were written by Primster on one mighty html page. Primster took
the page and uploaded it so that everyone visiting the Steinbruch shall
know and obey them.
How (short version):
The Steinbruch gave Primster the 10 Commandments, rules which must be
obeyed if you are to please the Steinbruch (and Primster). The Commandments
were written on a html page by the fingers of Primster Himself. (Awwwwwwwwwwwww)
But now bring 'em on:
And Primster spake all these words, saying, I
AAAAM the LAW, which have brought thee out of the land of Vienna, out of
the house of l4m3n3ss.
The First Commandment:
Thou shalt gather firewood
for thy Sacrificial Fire and thou shalt not rest till there is plentiful.
Any sacrificeth e.g. diceth, cell phoneth, witcheth
or even more witcheth purified in thy Holy Fire will pleaseth the Steinbruch
and thy neighbourth!
The Second Commandment:
Thou shalt only use the
purifying light of fire, thou shalt not use any sort of artificial light.
Neither in, nor near thy Sanctum and never ever
on the narrow and dangerouth path of faith that
leadeth thee to it.
The Third Commandment:
Thou shalt not desecrate
thy Holy Sanctum by using a cellular phone,
Unleth thou are explaining the way to l33tneth
to a ignorant one.
The Fourth Commandment:
Thou shalt not listen to
music coming out of a box.
Boxeth with music in them are the toolth of Satan!!!
The Fifth Commandment:
Thou shalt not even think
about smoking in the Steinbruch,
For the only things smoking shalt be thy Sacrifical
Fire, thy Käsekrainer, thy Ripperl or a witch.
The Sixth Commandment:
Thou shalt use but those
toolth naturally supplied by me, thy Steinbruch to prepare thy food.
The Seventh Commandment:
Thou shalt not covet thy
neighbour’s Käsekrainer nor thy neighbour’s Ripperl nor any goodie
that ith thy neighbour’s.
Thou shalt take your own water and bread with
you!
The Eighth Commandment:
Thou shalt not undermine
thy neighbour’s attempt to grill hith goodieth by stumbling over thy neighbour’s
multipode,
Nor shalt thou touch it unless thy neighbour asketh thou to do so.
The Ninth Commandment:
Thou shalt clean up before
thou leave thy Holy Sanctum,
For He will not hold him dry but dampen him with
no mercy, him that messeth with thy Sanctum.
The Tenth Commandment:
Thou shalt not be of tidy
and clean nature after thy sacrificial dutieth have been done.
Only he who ith covered in mud, sweat and barbecue
sauceth shall prevail on the cleansing path of faith.
These 10 Holy Commandments are to be obeyed by anyone setting foot upon the holy soil of the Steinbruch. He who contravenes them shall be judged by all members of the Steinbruch's High Council present at the time of the offence.
The honourable members of the High Council are as follows:
May the Steinbruch be with you, always!