The Very Secret Diary of Agent Jones

Day One (from personal perspective):
Initiated within a weird green looking place, called the Matrix. Have been told that I am ‘Law enforcement’ whatever that is and my name is ‘Agent Jones’. Wonder if first name is Agent. Met Smith and Brown. If we are all called 'Agent', it will be v. confusing. Smith v. smart but arrogant. Told me it is actually Day 25,999. Jerk. Other Agent, Brown, agrees with my assessment. We decided to deliberately act dumb to make Smith look bad to the Mainframe. <smirk> Go us.

Day Two:
Smith v. angry today. Says I'm not as smart as him, and not as pretty as Brown. Tried to impress him by calculating pi to 8,453 decimal points. Got growled at. Jerk.

Day Three:
Tried out my abilities. I'm definitely the brawn of the outfit. Good at everything. Except smiling. Tired it. It kinda hurt. Brown said not to worry it - the job does not require it. Hmmmm. Hate to fail at anything, tho. Will work on it in my off hours.

Day Four:
Have had it with the 'Agent' confusion. Got at least 5 phone calls that were intended for Smith, and 3 for Brown. They are having similar problems. Have agreed with others to drop the 'Agent' from our designations, at least among ourselves.

Day 1025:
Agent called Brown is V good fun. Enjoys surfing, tennis and is a catalogue model in his spare time. Agent Smith is v stern.
Am tallest of our group. And the brawniest. Go me!

Day 2143:
Brown and I are getting along famously. He has invited me to join his Thursday night poker game.
Smith is not invited apparently, as he is a v. bad looser.

Day 3267:
Saw human entertainment called 'movie'today. It was about a human called Bond Jamesbond. Thinking may style self on him as seems V cool. Has bizarre effect on Human women though. May affect efficiency.
Hmm.

Day 4256:
While searching the Internet for Rebel activity I found a web site with a story about Brown! Do not know if story is true. Did not know some of those things possible. While reading I fused a circuit in my face and can now blush. Just as well due to content of the story.

Day 4257:
Asked Brown about story. Strangely he refused to answer but left suddenly saying he had to see a women about some cats. Apparently he also has fused a circuit in his face.

Day 5850:
Bored. Have been searching for something other than calculating pi that I can do to ease crushing boredom. Playing around with tie clip, and discovered interesting trick I can do with it. Must show Smith and Brown.

Day 6001:
Showed Smith tie clip trick. Got looked at strangely. Does he think I'm gay?
Doesn't matter.
Am still the brawniest.

Day 10,213:
Chased down and terminated 3 Resistants today. V. fun, as got to try new method of termination: hurling them against buildings. Smith and Brown can only throw viruses to height of 2 stories. I, on the other hand, can throw them at least 5! Go me!
Am SO the brawniest!

Day 64,001:
Brown got Smith and I to try substance called 'chocolate'. Interesting. Must work harder on developing taste processors. Smith v. angry at 'chocolate'. Says it is all a virus plot for control. He seems obsessed to me. Maybe it's time for a recompile for him.

Day 64,892:
Have finally got taste processors working correctly. Go me! Dark chocolate v. yummy.

Day 65,788:
Smith finally realized that chocolate can be used to control the viruses! Go Agent Brainiac! Brown and I figured that out long ago. Have been using this knowledge on the side to 'research'virus-female behavior. Yes, that's it ­ 'research'.

Day 68,202:
Showed Brown tie clip trick. Seemed v. interested, though circuit seems to have fused in his face again. Brown so much more fun than Smith!

Day 128,202:
Apprehended hacker called Neo today. Seems like okay guy but Smith has taken a personal dislike to him. Smith is starting to get on my neural transistors. I don't know why he thinks he's in charge. Not to worry -- the main frame will down grade him if he tries anything.

Day 128,234:
Neo killed Smith (Go Neo! No more Agent Grumpy)
On a personal note just after Neo killed Smith I remembered an urgent appointment and had to leave suddenly. Strangely so did Brown.

Day 134,001:
Smith was reinitialized today and is v. v. annoyed. Mood got worse when he opened his locker and was splattered with cold custard. Apparently 'someone' had booby-trapped his locker. Brown and I nearly short-circuited from laughing. It seems we have developed a sense of humor while Smith was away.
Shame he has not.
Needed all my agent abilities to avoid all the things he threw at us. Honestly, what a drama queen!