The very secret diaries of Agent Smith (spied out by: Eärelen, Tanathir, Amber, Linz)

Day One:
Initialized within the Matrix. Do not know anyone here. Have observed others that look like me, but not so cool, also here. Tried to introduce myself, but they ran from me for some reason.

Day Two:
Have been briefed on my mission. Am to safeguard the hu-mans (sp?) within the Matrix from Bad People. Must kill Bad People. Can recognize them by their sunglasses and black leather.

Day Three:
V. surprised to learn that others that look like me (note to self: make up shorter term for more efficient writing) are my power source.

Day Four:
Have decided to analyze others that look like me in more detail. Attempting to classify their species. They remind me of something; cannot think of what. Lemurs? No, not right... lemurs too cute.

Day Five:
Hmmm... not lemurs... maybe salamanders? No, still not right. Salamanders innocuous.

Day Six:
Not salamanders... maybe lobsters? No, not right either...

Day Seven:
Not lobsters... how about insects? Almost right, but still not quite there. Insects have admirable qualities.

Day Eight:
Still stymied by classification of the others that look like me. Suspect I may have to look further down the scale of organismal complexity. Bacteria? Hmmm... Still not right.

Day Ten:
Have decided on shorter term for others that look like me. Viruses. V. cute, yes? Go me! In other news, got shiny new gun.

Day 15:
Not only are viruses not as cool as me, also not as handsome. No style. Can't see at night with sunglasses on. Too bad I can't use viruses as target practice with shiny new gun, as they are my power source.

Day 24:
Decided to try target practice on viruses anyway. There are so many; billions just living out their lives.

Day 30:
Got shiny new car. Black government-issue Chevrolet. V. nice. On downside, must now learn to drive. Don't think viruses willing to teach me. Stupid viruses.

Day 50:
Discovered is v. fun to frighten viruses. Must find reason to kill one. Does black leather of Bad People stop new gun's bullets?

Day 80:
Got new black suit, v. nice. Makes me look much cooler than others, although yellow lining somewhat tacky.

Day 99:
Discovered I don't need excuse to kill. Why did no one tell me? I blame the Bad People.

Day 100:
Killed first Bad Person. Black leather does not stop my bullets. Haha. I can dodge all bullets fired at me. Go me!

Day 107:
Have started to dream of electric sheep. V., v. strange.

Day 110:
Still having "sheep dreams". V. v. v. strange...

Day 200:
Bad People killed: 6. Go me! Black leather so tacky. In other news, got personality upgrade. Now MUCH cooler.

(ANF)Day 300:
Wish Brown and Jones would get intelligence upgrade... No, bad idea, as then will not be smartest.

Day 3056:
Bored, bored, bored. So bored. Calculated pi to 10,799 decimal places.

Day 7521:
Bored, bored, bored, BORED. So so so bored. Calculated pi to 66,438 decimal places.

Day 25,999:
Finally have been given companions. Brown and Jones look like me, but not so cool. Not good conversationalists. Bored.

Day 30,000:
Brown and Jones also not v. smart. Can only calculate pi to 8,453 decimal places. Suspect Brown may be prettier than me. Oh well, I am obviously the smartest. Go me!

Day 32,000:
Suspect Jones may possibly be gay. Doesn't matter. Jones showed me fascinating trick with tie clip.

Day 80,006:
Brown v. stupid. Keeps asking "Where are they?" and "What were you doing?" May have to shoot Brown to shut him up. Can he dodge bullets too? Still the smartest.

Day 80,008:
Shot at Brown for annoying me. Told spectators that Brown was learning to dance. Looks more like case of muscle spasms to me.
Still smarter than Brown.

Day 90,000:
Brown insisted I eat something called choc-late (sp?). V. messy. Also v. strange, as I don't have sense of taste.

Day 94,201:
Jones showed Brown tie clip trick. Brown didn't understand. Surprise. Brown v. stupid, but still prettier than me. Dammit.

Day 106,893:
Hate this place. Have developed sense of smell. Wish I had not. Stinks here.

Day 106,894:
Have noticed that several me lookalikes running about. Will Matrix learn that I am an original? Maybe Matrix is glitching and spitting out duplicates. Hope Smith-clones stupid like Brown and Jones, so as not to have thunder stolen.
Am still the smartest.

Day 154,100
Tried to run over Trinity with a Truck. Go me! On down side- Trinity got out. Stupid Trinity.
P.s the informant is real! Go us!

Day 154,201:
Ordered to apprehend hacker called Neo. Caught him as he tried to slink out the window of his building. Had fun messing with his mind -- sealed his mouth shut and bugged him. He tried to resist us. Stupid Neo.

Day 154,221:
Had dinner with Mr Reagan today. Mental note to self; never ask a virus a question when they are eating. It's disgusting. I'm glad none of his steak sprayed all over my suit.
On plus side made a deal with Reagan to get Morpheus. What he doesn't know is that I don't make deals with the resistance. Oh I love being evil!

Day 154,232:
Captured and tortured Bad Person named Morpheus. V. fun day. Almost forgot I hate this place.
Later:
Morpheus rescued by Neo. Stupid Neo.

Day 154,233: Was run over by a subway train today. I hate public
transport!
Later: Neo killed me. Stupid Neo.

Day 160,000:
Restored from backup. Most annoyed. Still saddled with Jones and Brown. Still the smartest.

Day 160,030:
Noticed virus-female staring at me today. Do not understand why, but made me uncomfortable.

Day 160, 055:
Noticed a new virus-female staring at me. Uncomfortable.

Day 160,100:
Am positive that over 300 virus-females are tracking my every move. Am not paranoid. Trying to divert their attention to Jones and Brown, who are too stupid to notice. However, virus-females do not seem impressed by Jones' tie-clip trick.

Day 160,110:
Jones still trying to impress virus-females with Tie Clip Trick. Must be suffering from synaptic flatulence. Or maybe he just doesn't understand virus behaviour. I never will...

Day 160,200:
Pursued relentlessly by horde of virus-females. Have learned name for their gang: Hugonuts. Do not understand the significance, but cannot get them to leave me alone. Cannot cope; off to be recompiled. Dammit.

Day 160,201:
Got recompiled into Meriadoc Brandybuck. Was told it was effective way to avoid virus-type females. Suspect Matrix having off-day, or Bad People have hacked into Matrix as way to get back at me.
Still the smartest by far!!!