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Brumm Bear.

In Fairyland the Fairies have found an old Brumm Bear.

No-one, but no-one knows how it could ever have got there.

It has only one eye and one ear is all ragged and torn.

Not like the first day on which the Brumm Bear was born.

A proud look was in his deep brown eyes, his head held high.

In those far off days he gave a loud Brumm, now it is just a sigh.

The Fairies want to keep him you know he is still cuddly they say.

They want to keep him for a hundred years and one whole day.

I told them to bring him home to my old house for some repairs.

The fairies and my family mouse were to take him up the stairs.

In my bedroom I have a box filled with buttons, eyes and thread.

Why If I really tried I am sure that I could make him a new head.

I quickly sewed him on a new eye it matched the other a treat.

He now looks cockeyed but as a Brumm Bear he is so sweet.

I found some fluffy material and made him a brand new ear.

He now gives the impression that what ever I say he can hear.

The Leprechauns have made it a nice new place to sit in the sun.

It has a thatched roof and a window of glass and a large currant bun.

The Brumm Bear now sits happily basking in the fairies great favour.

They try to feed him honey and ice cream with a wonderful flavour.

The Fairy Queen has now heard of the Fairies old Brumm Bear.

It would be lovely if he was real and in Fairy Games could share.

A wave of her magic wand and the Brumm Bear smiled and waved.

He was for all time the only Brumm Bear that was royally saved.

For the first time in his long life Brumm Bear could smile and speak.

He could and he did with the Fairies play games of hide and seek.

Brumm Bear has a large appetite, which the fairies well know.

They bring him all kinds of delicate titbits wherever he does go.

How the Brumm Bear came to Fairyland is a real mystery for us all.

Nothing like it before has happened in Fairyland as I do recall.

Now if it was you that threw that old Brumm Bear away.

You will never get him back for I have had my Royal say.

He will stay in fairyland till the world comes to an end.

Even if I have his eyes and ears a thousand time to mend.

A Goose.

On my walks through the woods I keep my eyes open for the wild life that abounds in this part of the world. On this particular day I had been watching a goose swimming in the river. Something was wrong with the goose I noticed that it could not fly. The goose raised itself from the water and like geese do, it tried to run on the water at the same time opening its wings and desperately trying to take off. This happened time and time again. I wondered whether I should try and catch the goose and take it to a vet, a doctor that looks after animals and birds. I decided to give the bird another day or two before I did anything about catching it.

The following day I was on my way to the river when I saw four young fairy boys. The boys each had a long white feather and I decided to see what they were going to do with the feathers. As you know all fairies have wings and can fly. The boys did not need to make wings, suddenly the boys disappeared, and I walked on to the river. The goose was still swimming in the river and occasionally bent its long neck under the water coming up with its mouth full of waterweeds. I knew that she was getting enough to eat but again she attempted to fly with no success. I saw the fairy boys again they had each a piece of bread and going to the rivers edge, they called the goose. Now I was watching closely, as the goose came to the riverbank to eat the pieces of bread. The fairy boys waved their magic wands at the goose and she pulled out one of her long flying feathers and handed it to the boys. The boys ran off again with another white flying feather from the goose.

This time I did not bother to follow the boys I sent a robin with a message to Her Majesty Queen Feeanna Queen of all the Fairies. A few minutes later Her Majesty came to me in her usual magic way. A flash of blue light and a wisp of smoke, smiling she asked me why I had called her. I told Her Majesty about the fairy boys and the feathers they were getting from the goose. Taking the magic mirror from her pocket Her Majesty looked in the mirror for a few minutes and then gave the mirror to me. First I saw a picture of one of the fairy boys picking up what looked like a piece of an old comic. There were a few pictures to be seen of Icarus the man from ancient Greece who built himself some wings of feathers and wax to escape with his father Daedalus from a prison called the labyrinth. (Look the story up in Google or ask your teacher) Icarus built the wings and with his father on his back flew off from the prison. Icarus became so excited that with his being able to fly that he flew too close to the sun and the wax in his wings melted and he with his father fell into the sea. The fairy boys wanted to make wings like Icarus they were not going to use wax, but had asked the spiders in the woods to give them some of the sticky substance that the spiders use when making their cobwebs. The spiders gave the boys enough of the sticky stuff to make the wings. When the sticky stuff or glue hardened it became solid and very light. Just right for building some wings. It was easy to get feathers from the goose for a piece of bread the goose willingly gave one of her feathers. Now of course the goose cannot fly and will have to wait until her wing feathers grow again. Her Majesty is very angry. Telling the fairy boys that they would not be able to fly for three months, Her Majesty waved her Magic wand and the goose appeared in front of Her Majesty. “Why are you such a silly creature?” “ You can find enough to eat without giving your feathers to some fairy boys. There is enough for you to eat all around you; you only have to look, you as a goose will never have to go hungry. You need your wings for flying, What if a fox had come along? You would not have been able to fly away.” Waving her wand once again Her Majesty told the goose to open its wings. The wings were now full with new feathers waddling off to the water the goose for the first time ran on the water opening her wings she took off and flew away. I saw her again the following year she had a gander with her and seven young geese were following them. As for the fairy boys they have other things to do now and do not pick up comics that have been left in the woods. The three months of no flying had been a very strict punishment indeed for fairies fly everywhere they can, it is easier than using their legs and feet.

A Wicked Wizard.

Passing through Fairyland was a wicked Wizard,

Every one that he saw he turned into a Lizard.

Fairies, Elves, Leprechauns, Trolls and Gnomes

could not find there way back to their homes.

Soon there were Lizards all over the place,

each with a lizard’s body and a fairies face.

Luckily a Wizards spell it lasts only a day,

But so many Lizards got in each other’s way.

My magic Help was needed badly you know,

I made the Wizards footsteps heavy and slow.

Then I cast one of my magical spells,

The Wizard could only drink from wishing wells.

Wishing wells are scarce and very far apart,

He should have thought of this right at the start.

Then I had a brilliant and wonderful idea,

I took his magic away for exactly one year.

From Fairyland I banished him for life,

Made him marry an old witch for a wife.

Now in Fairyland Lizards are not to be seen.

I explained the reason why to the Fairy Queen.

Instead of Lizards, Rabbits are to be found,

They burrow their nests deep in the ground.

The Fairies gave the rabbits the name bunny,

Their hopping and jumping was ever so funny.

I soon had other things on my mind,

The money for a new car I had to find.

So I returned home to my large old house,

And talked finances with my family mouse.

A knock on the door in the middle of the night,

The Irish Leprechauns had heard of my plight.

They bought me twenty pots of their gold,

To buy a brand new car mine was so old.

Now we go for runs in the countryside,

The little folk, family mouse we all go for a ride.

No more Wizards have in Fairyland been seen,

Which was a good thing said the Fairy Queen.

Armchair.

One Saturday morning I went for a trip to Woolwich. I occasionally look in second hand shops to see if there is the odd bargain to be had. Walking along looking in the shop windows, I saw this old armchair. The armchair looked very comfortable and I thought that it would go nicely with the other furniture in my living room. Going into the shop I sat in the chair and dropped off into a light sleep. The shopkeeper awoke me and I asked him what the chair would cost. After a little bargaining I bought the chair for ten English pounds. I paid another ten shillings for the man to deliver the chair. I went home happy that I had got the chair so cheap.

On the following Monday afternoon the chair was delivered. It now stands in my living room and it is the most comfortable chair that I have ever owned. One day a few months later I had a visitor from the local council. The man told me that the council wanted to re-tar the road and If I had any objections. This was so unusual that I invited the man in to my living room and gave him the armchair to sit in. It was then that I realised what a treasure the chair was. Hardly had the man sat in the chair when he started telling me the story of his life. Unknown to me the chair was a so-called truth chair. Whoever sat in it was compelled to tell the truth.

The man was not from the council he was a wizard that wanted to get the truth from me about fairies and all that goes on in fairyland. The man had read my stories on the Internet and thought that I was an easy target to get information from. I waited until the man had finished telling me his story and looked at the clock it was twelve minutes past midnight. I pulled him from out of the chair and told him that I now knew all about the councils wanting to repair the road. I made us a cup of cocoa and invited him to stay the night in my spare room.

In the morning I made us breakfast and then sent him on his way. From me he had received no information and I think he wondered what he had been doing for so long in my armchair. The armchair was to prove to be a real blessing; whenever someone sat in the chair I would hear all of his or her life’s history. It has saved me from all sorts of tricksters that occasionally knock on the door wanting to sell things or get me involved in some trick game that was mostly illegal. My chair also helped me when someone was in trouble I would know all about the troubles and help in a most discreet way.

One day Her Majesty Queen Feeanna, Queen of all the fairies came to see me and before I could warn her she sat on the armchair. She too told me about her life but I am pleased to say she spoke in the old language so I did not understand what she was saying. I awoke Her Majesty with a cup of hot Horlicks and told her all about my chair. Her Majesty was quite surprised that it had not warned her when she first sat in the chair. Her Majesty then told me that usually a truth chair would warn her as she went to sit down but mine did not. We were both very curious as to why it did not warn Her Majesty.

Her Majesty used her Magic Mirror to see what kind of history it had and the reason why it had not warned her that it was a truth chair. Looking in the mirror I first saw that an oak tree had been chopped down to make the wood for the chair. Then a cow had been killed for its leather. Then strangely enough four Leprechauns went to work on the chair. They were skilful indeed and soon a chair took shape. They did not stuff the chair with straw or any other material. Each Leprechaun went off on his own and came back a week later with a bundle under their arms. Each had collected a large quantity of truth herbs. When the herbs were placed together like in the stuffing of a chair they gave off a certain gas that went into the nose of the person sitting on the chair. This caused them to tell the truth.

The reason the Leprechauns had made the chair was the fact that they were tired of being cheated out of their wages or of being taken advantage of when helping people who claimed they were poor and in reality had large sums of money well hidden. This had happened so often that the chair was their answer to stop people taking advantage of them. Once in the chair one told the truth from birth on nothing was left out.

A magic spell had been placed on the chair its rightful owner would just have a refreshing sleep when sitting in the chair. Strangers are compelled to tell the truth. Then Her Majesty Queen Feeanna told me of three other chairs that were known as truth chairs. It seems that after the first chair was so successful the four Leprechauns decided to build a chair for each of them. The chairs are ever so old but the wood and the leather and the herbs were treated by magic spells so that they would last practically forever.

If you ever sit in one of theses chairs do not try to tell a lie as it would send a sharp pain to your head and after a few of these pains you will like every person that has ever sat on such a chair tell the truth all about yourself. Remember I have warned you with my little story. It does not pay to tell lies.

Cat and Mouse.

There is a big black cat across the road,

Keeps skulking around my place of abode.

This behaviour frightens my little mouse,

He asks me to keep it away from the house.

I have placed a hosepipe in my front garden,

Use it I will; I will give nor ask for pardon.

This cat is a terror he is known all over.

What is more he is a nocturnal rover.

The baby mice are afraid to go out to play.

Just in case the cat comes their way.

I have complained to its rightful owner,

He laughs and said do not be a moaner.

I have put up a fence around the house,

to stop the cat getting a nice fat mouse.

Emergency pipes I have laid in the ground,

They connect to the house, which is very sound.

Now the mice they can all run into the house.

At which the cat stops to have a grouse.

My hosepipe I have used many a time,

That cat does not deserve to be mentioned in my rhyme.

So I will put my magic pen away for today,

All of my mice have come into the garden to play.

A Fleeting Shadow.

Do you have problems with your computer? When I start my computer all is well until I use the Windows Word Program. A fleeting shadow crosses my screen and it is nearly impossible to write. My fingers seem to work of their own accord. I hit two keys instead of one sometimes three. Sentences get jumbled; I have to correct stupid mistakes such as miss-spelt words. Sometimes I type a letter and it does not appear on the screen, how am I to write fairy tales with all of this happening to me? Now the fleeting shadow has got into my email and when I write in answer to an email that I have received, the spelling mistakes and the repeated letters sometimes drive me into despair. I have had the computer mechanic here to look into the computer and apart from a little dust all is well. The chip or CPU is working well. There are no problems with the memory banks; my keyboard is new so there should be no problems from this side. I do not drink alcohol while I am working on the computer and I have asked a friend to come and see me, his name is Shamus, you might remember Shamus from some of my other little tales. Shamus can get right into the computer and use it to travel by the electric current from one computer to another. He can also do the same with television sets. Shamus I know will get into my computer and see what it all means. The fleeting shadow I am sure will go away when Shamus gets on to him.

Shamus arrived this evening and I am very pleased to see him. “What seems to be the problem?” he asked me. I was expecting Shamus and had made a strong cup of sweet tea and gave him a plate filled with his favourite biscuits, Ginger Snaps. “ Drink your tea and eat your biscuits and I will tell you what is wrong while you eat and drink,” I said. Shamus ate the biscuits and drunk his tea and I explained the strange goings on with my computer and the fleeting shadow that went across my screen. I also told him about my writing problems and about the email mistakes and the writing errors when I tried to write my fairy-tales. Shamus had now finished his tea and the biscuits and asked me switch on my computer and the screen. Just to make sure I also switched on the printer.

Shamus took his shillelagh that is a form of cudgel used for defending oneself and just vanished into the screen. Then I saw the fleeting shadow it hushed along the screen with to my surprise, Shamus chasing it. I watched for a while and then left Shamus to the computer, the screen, and the printer, while I went upstairs to my bed. I knew that Shamus did not need my help; he was quite capable with his shillelagh to deal with the fleeting shadow. The following morning I awoke in my big double bed and looked lazily at the alarm clock, I had another minute for it to off with its mechanical noisy tinny ringing. Stretching my hand I hit the little knob on top of the alarm clock and got up. Washing, shaving and dressing took me a little longer this morning, I do not know why but I had something on my mind and did not know what it was. Going downstairs I went into my computer room and wondered for a minute why I had left the computer and the screen switched on. Then I noticed that the printer was also switched on. I remembered Shamus and it all came back to me. Shamus is still in the computer and had knowing Shamus many difficulties to face. I quickly brewed up a pot of tea, made a full English breakfast of sausages and eggs, bacon, fried bread, and wondered whether Shamus could smell the cooked breakfast while he was in the computer. Then it happened Shamus swinging his shillelagh stepped out of the screen and said he will bother you no more. My shillelagh and I gave him the fright of his life and the last I saw of him he was running quickly down the electricity wires into the main grid. Where he is now I do not know but he will bother you no more. Shamus and I sat down to a hearty breakfast and enjoyed our sweet tea. After eating our breakfast I told shamus that I would like to send off a few emails to see whether it really had been the fleeting shadow or was it my typing that was to blame. What do you know I still make the same mistakes, the hitting of two or sometimes three keys are due to my shaky old hands, it is a mixture of old age and Parkinson’s disease, that make the mistakes, the fleeting shadow had nothing whatever to do with my problems. I am glad that the shadow has gone it was a very ghostly thing to have wandering over my computer screen. Bern, your storyteller.

An Extra Room.

I have had to build on a large new room to my old house.

The house was getting too small for me and family mouse.

What with the leprechauns, Pixies and Trolls that come to stay.

My old house is open to all that happen to come my way.

I just want one room all to myself where I can be just me.

A place where I can sit and enjoy my many cups of tea.

The leprechauns built the solid walls of stone and brick,

It gave them all something to do which was quite a trick.

I have big windows all made with much coloured glass.

The door handles are of brightly polished old brass.

In my new room I have placed an armchair comfy and new.

Also a brown leather settee, which is for some one like you.

You are all most cordially invited to my large old house.

Mind you, you must be extra nice to my family mouse.

If you are lucky the fairies will be waiting in the hall for you.

Into my new room they will quickly usher you all through.

Do not be surprised at the tricks they might on you play.

It is something they do to people nearly every long day.

If they should invite you to play with them in my upstairs attic.

The person in charge is my friend an old Bear quite rheumatic.

The fairies love to play with water I must warn you visitors all.

Sometimes it is better to suggest that you all play with a ball.

On very special occasions a young Dragon will pop on by.

He might even offer you the chance with him in the sky to fly.

When you come please make sure no one is following you.

Look out for witches that are dressed in the darkest of blue.

When you all come I promise you all a very good time.

Even better than what you might see in this my poor rhyme.

All may drink of my fresh brewed beer and eat sausage rolls.

You may even get to dance with one of my fairly ugly Trolls.

I will expect you all on any bright day of this coming week.

For I happen to know that the sweet fairies you all seek.

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