Australian Journey.

A plump young Robin brought me the good news.
I was invited to visit the Australian Kangaroos.
The Fairies whisked me away one moonlit night.
Over land and sea we travelled till morning light.
I must admit it was a strange journey to make.
I only agreed to see how long it would all take.
We flew over the Ayers Rock it didn’t take long.
Then I heard Aborigines singing a welcome song.
Aborigines and Fairies know each other well.
Both come under mother Natures old spell.
Greetings were exchanged and I was thrilled.
I was given a sweet long drink highly chilled.
The Aborigines made me very welcome indeed.
Soon we were all in the middle of a big feed.
The Fairies danced to me an unknown Dance.
I just sat and stared, I was in a deep trance.
I then looked up into the wide Australian night sky.
The stars were so different, so bright, and so high.
Then too soon it was time to say my goodbyes.
The Fairies just lifted me much to my surprise.
Off we all went back to my large old house.
I told my exciting adventure to my family Mouse.
I am sure the Fairies will come to see me again quite soon.
Strange but our journeys take place at the full of the moon.
 

Wheelbarrow.

I am going away on holiday. I do not know where I will go, I have made no plans and do not intend to make any. This holiday will be the best that I have had in a very long life. All the holidays of my past life will be nothing. I have not even thought about where I will go or what I will do to pass the time. I have not even thought about money. How much will I need? What will I buy? So many questions but it will be the best holiday of my life this I know. Should I pack a suitcase or two is it necessary? What clothing will I need? I do not know. Will I go alone or will I invite a friend or two to go with me. This is a tormenting thing for a man like me to go through. I think that I will go into my back garden and think about things while I have a nap in my old wheelbarrow. My eyes close like they usually do when I lay down in my old barrow. I do not know whether it is the shape of the old wheelbarrow or the two large cushions that I have placed in the barrow; all I know is that it is very comfortable, sometimes even more comfortable than my bed with its expensive mattress and its silken sheets. Why even my pillows are of the softest down from the Eider Ducks that swim in the lakes and rivers.

What is happening? I know that I am lying in my old wheelbarrow; I know that I am more than comfortable whom or what is turning my world into a spinning top. The motion is not to my liking. Please stop the spinning even if for a moment or two. That is better, the spinning motion has stopped and I see that I am no longer in my wheelbarrow in my back garden. The whole world is bathed in a bluish light and little people surround me. I can see Fairies, Pixies, Leprechauns, Elves, Bogies and many more especially the Trolls. What do these little people want with me why have they appeared while I am at my weakest lying in my wheelbarrow? Something I decided is desperately wrong. Where am I. what am I doing here in this strange place and what is causing the light to be so bluish? I decided that I did not like this place and decided to wake up and be in my back garden. Then I saw the most beautiful being that I have ever seen in my life. The being floated toward me dressed in a most heavenly coloured dress there must have been all the colours of the rainbow woven into the silk. I saw that the being was a Lady or should I say a Queen. Drifting toward me she sent me pictures into my innermost mind. “You want a holiday, friend of all the little people. A holiday you shall have. You will need no suitcases you will need no money. You are now on the most wonderful holiday that a human being may have, here with the little people in Fairyland. Whatever you want or need just ask and it will be given.”

The Lady then took off of her head a crown so delicately made and encrusted with diamonds and other jewels it shone in its own glory. She shook her head and the long flowing hair framed her face like one sometimes sees in pictures. I was now utterly at her service she could have asked me to do anything and I know I would have done it. Slowly she faded away into the far distance and the fairies came to me on their silver delicate wings. Play with us they pleaded. No play with us this was the pixies calling. Then the trolls called to me, come with us we can show you many things that you have never seen. All of this fuss and attention was slowly going to my head and I lay back on my wheelbarrow and closed my eyes. The scene changed I was now in a deep cave. The cave is lit by lights that are so high up in the ceiling of the cave that I could not see whether they were electric or some other form of lighting. Everything was bathed in the blue light that I had experienced in my other dream. The floor of the cave were small cottages and flowers, many flowers covered the floor of the cave, in between were fruit trees all carrying ripe fruit. I could see date palms, coconut palms and all of the fruits that one finds in Europe such as the apples the pears and plums and many more. I looked around me but decided I was much better off in my old wheelbarrow than wandering around this most excellent of caves. The lady that I had seen previously now came again this time she was differently dressed and wore another crown. I am Queen Feeana and you will never have such a holiday as this that you are now experiencing. This is to show my gratitude for all of the help that you have given to the little people in Fairyland. When you have had enough of this holiday just call out your name loudly and you will be back in your own back garden. The Queen then vanished as she had come. I called out loudly feeling a bit of a fool. Bernard Shaw. Suddenly I was back in my garden sitting or half lying in my wheelbarrow. I definitely did not want a holiday now there was too much to think of too much to do. I decided not to go on Holiday after all. It is much better in my own back garden than is someone else’s home no matter how luxurious it is. What do you all think?

Leprechaun Post Cards.

I received a post card the other day,

It came direct from the US of A.

A leprechaun sent it special to me,

Just to tell me he was over the sea.

He was on a visit to New York City,

Where the girls are really very pretty.

Then he flew on to the wild Texas State,

Where people eat beef as big as the plate.

Then I got a post card from Nebraska.

He was he said flying to cold Alaska.

He sent me a post card nearly every day.

I shuddered at the postage he had to pay.

He was he told me looking for some Gold,

In Ireland his mushroom cottage had been sold.

Fort Knox I thought could have helped him out.

All he had to do was to give them a loud shout.

He found no gold and returned to his home,

Never no more this beautiful world to roam.

As he touched down in Erin’s Emerald Isle,

On his face was a most wonderful smile.

The Old Blackboard.

Walking down into town through to the market place I saw many an old piece of what I myself would have called junk and thrown away. Then something caught my eye I saw this old blackboard. It reminded me of the blackboards in my old school. A trellis that pulled out to hold the blackboard and the blackboard that sat on two pegs. At school in my day on one of the pegs hung a piece of wet cloth. This is to wipe the chalked questions or arithmetic sums that were no longer needed. It was the board where the teacher wrote out the early beginnings of my English instruction. One of the other pupils or I would be asked to wipe the board clean, this we did with the damp rag. The board brought back so many memories that I decided to buy it. The man that sold it to me delivered it to my home after he had finished his business at the market place.

I placed the blackboard and the trellis in my front room and did not think about it for a few days. On going in to the front room to water the plants I noticed some writing on the blackboard. The handwriting was my own I recognised it from my far off school days. (I must pay attention.) I had written this all over the board. Then I heard a voice distinctly say, “Pay attention Shaw.” I was by now in a very disturbed state of mind a blackboard that wrote words from my long ago schooldays and a voice telling me to pay attention. Sitting facing the blackboard I watched as a damp cloth appeared in the air and wiped the board clean. I was now paying attention. Writing appeared on the board; “Shaw explain the theorem of Pythagoras.” I was by now very much wanting to get a specialist to examine me, A doctor that would tell me that there is no such thing as a blackboard that can write and ask questions. I found myself saying, “ The sum of the square on the hypotenuse is the same as the sum of the square on the other two sides.” This is downright foolish I thought to myself. It is years ago since I was taught Pythagoras’s Theory. I can only vaguely remember the formula let alone put it into practise.

The blackboard fascinated me and I watched for hours as writing appeared and was wiped away for more writing or arithmetic to form on the board. History, Geography, Arithmetic, Spelling, with the occasional reminder of, “Shaw are you paying attention?” The natural history that the blackboard gave from itself was fascinating the board had great knowledge of all the plants and wild animals or as the board put it Fauna and Flora. I thought to myself the board is harmless but I had better get a second opinion as to its peaceful nature. I invited Her Majesty Queen Feeana to come to the house and see this wonderful blackboard that knew all of the answers. I sent a mental picture to Her Majesty and watched the writing on the blackboard until she came. The blackboard was in the middle of explaining Einstein’s Theory as her Majesty appeared. The accustomed blue flash of light the small whiff of smoke and there she stood as pretty as a picture. Her embroidered flowery dress as pretty as only a part of nature can be. Smiling she asked me what was so important that I called her. I showed Her Majesty the blackboard and asked her to watch it for a few moments. Writing appeared, “Shaw, can you not pay attention when I am giving a lesson?” then another batch of writing explaining the stars in the night sky, going on to the planetary system of our part of the milky way. “Your Majesty this writing goes on for hour after hour, it is as if one of my old teachers is trying to make up for the schooling that I lost as an evacuee in the last world war two.

Smiling again Her Majesty took out of her pocket her magic wand. “Come out of the blackboard Margerich I recognise you and the reason that you have changed yourself into a blackboard,” “Mr. Shaw and this house is and as long as Mr. Shaw lives under my own personal protection.” “I watched the man from the market deliver the blackboard and easel with its two pegs. I thought it might amuse my friend Mr. Shaw to have such a blackboard for a day or two it has certainly refreshed his memory. I am not going to punish you but I will give you this warning stay away from this house and all that might live in it, now be gone. A small man in a long black cloak ran out of my house and did not stop running until he was well out of sight. Her Majesty told me that Margerich was jealous of all of the fairy tales that I have written. He himself possesses all of the knowledge to write but he lacks the discipline that is needed to write word after word and make up a story.”

You will not see him again and as for blackboards I do not think that you will ever be tempted to buy one again Smiling Her Majesty left the same way as she had come a smile a flash of blue light and a whiff of smoke and I was alone again with my blackboard. No more writing has ever appeared on the board again and it is now replacing the one half of my garden shed roof that had developed a leak. A fitting end for a blackboard that has been used to teach so many children it is not; but it is still serving a useful purpose and that is the main thing.

Helpful Fairies.

The Fairies are gathering herbs to help a sick old Witch.

These herbs are only to be found at the bottom of a ditch.

I watched a line of small Fairies busy looking all around.

With their keen little eyes they quickly covered the ground.

Soon a cobweb sack was filled with these herbs so rare.

One very happy Witch went back to her home without a care.

The Fairies do not play all day in the hot summer’s sun.

But I will be the first to admit they do have a lot of fun.

They help all that are walking through the woods so green.

Especially at harvest time when the blackberries they clean.

The Squirrels they may tease and many a fresh nut they hide.

But when it comes to helping they are on the Squirrels side.

Butterflies are shown to the flowers where nectar is at its best.

Even the small birds are shown where to build the best nest.

Everyone in the woods is helped by the Fairies magic power.

We all know who gives the colours to each and every flower.

Who shows the spiders where to build their cobwebs of silk?

Who first taught the early Farmers their cows to daily milk?

Yes it was the Fairies that showed the old World how to live.

From the Fairies we all learned that it was better to daily give.

Now this is the end of my story about the Fairies of today.

Please forgive my weird rambling but I have so much to say.

Witch Plot.

In the local newspaper I read that a coven of witches was to be held on Dartford Heath. It is nothing new for Witches to hold meetings but not on Dartford Heath this was new to me. I decided that at the time of the meeting I would be on the Heath with my powerful binoculars, I wanted to see what they were up to. A week went past and the day of the meeting or should I say night, came and I with my binoculars was out on the heath hidden behind some very high trees.

As soon as it was dark I saw them flying in on their broomsticks. One after another flew in until twenty witches were present. I crept silently closer to see if I could hear or see something new. The witches sat in a circle and were chanting some old song. There was no moon and it was very dark except for a fire that was burning in the middle of the circle. One of the witches got up and started to perform a weird dance around the fire.

Soon all of the witches were dancing and chanting around the fire. Ten minutes of dancing and chanting and then all sat around the fire once more. By now I was very close to the witches using every bit of cover, I had crept to within a few yards of them all. The witches were speaking in a very strange language, which I did not understand. After two hours the witches started to leave the meeting. One after the other got on their broomsticks and flew off into the night. Soon there were only two witches left and they huddled close to the fire and then I heard their plot.

They were going to get some spiders and feed them until they were big and strong. Then they would get the spiders to spin one huge net. With the net they would fly on their brooms dragging the net behind them. In this way they were going to fish for fairies. I could not follow them, as I do not posses a broom that flies. I decided to go back home and wait to see what if anything happened to their plot. I waited until the last two witches flew off and then I went to the fire and carefully put it out. There is always the danger of forest fires when people leave fires unattended.

Six months went past and I thought no more of the witches until suddenly a dozen or more Fairies went missing. No one had seen them go off and all were worried that something terrible might have happened to them. It was then that I remembered the two witches and their plan to catch Fairies with a large sticky cobweb. I went to Her Majesty Queen Feeana and told her of my night, watching the witches and of my suspicions that the witches had taken the Fairies by means of the sticky cobweb.

Her Majesty took from her robe the famous Magic Mirror. The mirror showed a picture of the witch’s coven and of my putting out the fire that they had left burning in the woods. The mirror then showed more pictures. The two witches feeding ordinary spiders that grew so big that they had no trouble spinning a large cobweb between two high trees. The witches then carefully cut the cobweb and attached it to their brooms. Then the two of them flew off over the woods and meadows where the Fairies were working and playing. In this way they caught the Fairies who were not prepared for the danger from the skies.

The Magic Mirror then showed a village that I recognised as being the village of Old Bexley not far away from the Dartford Heath. One old house with smoke coming from its chimneys caught my eye. The house was large and rambling and had been built many years ago. The Mirror then showed a small room in which the Fairies were being held prisoner. The door was made of solid oak and was ever so strong. A key was hanging on a nail beside the door. The door did not stop the Magic Mirror from entering the room. Two-dozen Fairies were being held prisoner here. The two witches had taken away their magic wands and the Fairies were looking very miserable indeed.

Her Majesty was now very angry and the Mirror wandered around the house and found the two witches in the kitchen drinking tea. Her Majesty’s wand came into action and turned both the witches into two large black spiders. One of the witches nearly fell into her teacup the magic from Her Majesty’s wand was very quick.

Her Majesty Queen Feeanna waved her magic wand again and all of the Fairies were now able to fly out of the room the door had completely vanished. A High-pitched whistle that could only be heard by the Fairies led them back home to Dartford Heath. The next day the Fairies spent making new Magic Wands. No one talks anymore about spiders and the two witches have been forgotten until this day, when I decided to tell you all about this story.

Page thirteen