INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('A true beanie should have a propellor on the top.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('This isnt life in the fast lane, its life in the oncoming traffic.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I mean, I wouldnt pay more than a couple of quid to see me, and Im me.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I think that sick people in Ankh-Morpork generally go to a vet. Its generally a better bet. Theres more pressure on a vet to get it right. People say "it was gods will" when granny dies, but they get angry when they lose a cow.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I have to admit that I drive past Bridgwater quite regularly. And fast.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('What you have here is an example of that well known phenomenon, A Bookshop Assistance Who Knows Buggerall But Wont Admit It (probably some kind of arts graduate).','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I staggered into a Manchester bar late one night on a tour and the waitress said "You look as if you need a Screaming Orgasm". At the time this was the last thing on my mind...','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Never trust any complicated cocktail that remainds perfectly clear until the last ingredient goes in, and then immediately clouds.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('In Reading [England] there is this thing called the IDR, short for "Inner Distribution Road", which is bureaucratese for "Big thing that cost a lot of money and relieves traffic problems, provided all your traffic wants to orbit the town centre permanently". Its a 2-3 lane dual carriageway that goes round the town centre. It has lots of roundabouts, an overhead section, a couple of spare motorway-like exits (thats British motorways -- yknow, the roundabout with the main road going under it), and a thing called the Watlington Street Gyratory, where you have to get in lane for your intended destination about three years and two corners before you get there with no signposting. I used to cycle along it every day to get to school, before I fell off at 35 mph. [Kids! Dont try this at home!]  I know it well. I believe it is impossible to leave Reading heading west.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I didnt go to university. Didnt even finish A-levels. But I have sympathy for those who did.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('That seems to point up a significant difference between Europeans and Americans. A European says: "I cant understand this, whats wrong with me?" An American says: "I cant understand this, whats wrong with him?"','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('"Out of Print" is bookseller speak for "We cant be hedgehogged".','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Someone in usenet: Weve missed you, did you miss us? TP: Yes, but I think I have time to reload.:-)','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I was thinking of duh? in the sense of a sentence containing several words more than three letters long, and possibly requiring general knowledge or a sense of history that extends past last Tuesday, has been used in my presense.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Oh, come on. Revelation was a mushroom dream that belonged in the Apocrypha. The New Testament is basically about what happened when God got religion.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Educational refers to the process, not the object. Although, come to think of it, some of my teachers could easily have been replaced by a cheeseburger.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I once absend-mindedly ordered Three Mile Island dressing in a restaurant and, with great presence of mind, they brought Thousand Island Dressing and a bottle of chili sauce.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Bognor has always meant to me the quintessential English seaside experience (before all this global warming stuff): driving in the rain to get there, walking around in the rain looking for something to do when youre there, and driving home in the rain again...','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil...prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun. Eat leaden death, demon...','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('You cant make people happy by law. If you said to a bunch of average people two hundred years ago "Would you be happy in a world where medical care is widely available, houses are clean, the worlds music and sights and foods can be brought into your home at small cost, travelling even 100 miles is easy, childbirth is generally not fatal to mother or child, you dont have to die of dental abcesses and you dont have to do what the squire tells you" theyd think you were talking about the New Jerusalem and say yes.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I must confess the the activities of the UK governments for the past couple of years have been watched with frank admiration and amazement by Lord Vetinari. Outright theft as a policy had never occured to him.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Im referred to, I see, as the biggest banker in modern publishing. Now theres a line that needed the celebrated Guardian proof-reading.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I save about twenty drafts -- thats ten meg of disc space -- and the last one contains all the final alterations. Once it has been printed out and received by the publishers, theres a cry here of Tough shit, literary researchers of the future, try getting a proper job! and the rest are wiped.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I always thought Detritus would be good at: "I bet youre wondrin how many time I fired dis crossbow--"','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Mind you, the Elizabethans had so many words for the female genitals that it is quite hard to speak a sentence of modern English without inadvertently mentioning at least three of them.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I reckon that Stonehege was build by the contemporary equivalent of Microsoft, whereas Avebury was definitely an Apple circle.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Go on, prove me wrong. Destroy the fabric of the universe. See if I care.-- Terry defending his solution to the Monty Hall problem.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Currently theres five machines permanently networked here. They all contain the serious core stuff. A couple of the machines are pensioned off 486s, with little other value now. Plus theres two Jaz drives in the building and the portable also carries a fair amount of stuff. Plus every Friday a man comes around and carves all the new stuff onto stone slabs and buries them in the garden... I think Im okay.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I think I would like to go into modelling. Of course, I dont know how to do it, and wouldnt be any good at it if I did, so Im going to employ someone to walk the catwalks on my behalf. It would still be me, of course...-- Terry learns Naomi Campbell has written a book.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('She wanted a HOLIDAY in Australia, she said, and if I turned it into work shed hit me -- so I gave in, because I did not want to be beaten about the Bush.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If I heeded all the advice Ive had over the years, Ive have written 18 books about Rincewind.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Someone: Can anyone PLEASE tell me the "rules" and "regulations" of headology?? It just seems to me that its an area which is not properly defined, thats all. TP: Ah.  It appears you have discovered Rule 1.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb -- theyre often students, for heavens sake.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Death isnt on line. If he was, there would be a sudden drop in the death rate. Although itd be interesting to see if hed post things like: DONT YOU THINK I SOUND LIKE JAMES EARL JONES?','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The net software here did its meltdown trick again at the weekend (it happens about once every six months -- if only everything was as reliable as WordPerfect 4.2, which only chews up a novel about once every two or three years...)','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Id like to stand up for the rights of people who put everything on their burger -- chutney, mustard, pickle, mustard pickle, tomato sauce... It is common knowledge in my family that I cant tell the difference between a veggie burger and a meat one, because the ratio of burger to pickles is so high.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('They can tak our live but they can never tak our freedom! Now theres a battle cry not designed by a clear thinker..-- Braveheart','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Mort isnt fashionable UK movie material -- theres no parts in it for Hugh or Emma, its not set it Sheffield, and no one shoves drugs up their bum...','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Too many people want to have written.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('DW is based on a slew of old myths, which reach their most refined form in Hindu mythology, which in turn of course derived from the original Star Trek episode Planet of Wobbly Rocks where the Security Guard Got Shot.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Eight years involved with the nuclear industry have taught me that when nothing can possible go wrong and every avenue has been covered, then is the time to buy a house on the next continent.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('What your soldier wants-- really, really wants -- is no-one shooting back at him.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Up until now Id always though RSI meant I hate my damn job.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Dickens, as you know, never got round to starting his home page.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('You know what Id really, really like? What Id pay MONEY for? A ZX81 with a disc drive. I understood the ZX81. It was so easy to interface stuff to it.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Not only did I wipe Lemmings from my hard disc, I overwrote it sos I couldnt get it back.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('To get the walkthrough, you have to take the sponge from Nanny Oggs pantry and stick it in the ear of the troll with the tutu, then take the lumps and put them in the pouch with the zombies razor.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('You cant remember the plot of the Dr Who movie because it didnt have one, just a lot of plot holes strung together. It did have a lot of flashing lights, though.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Dream on. British TV Is The Best In The World is on a par with the statement about how British Justice Is The Envy Of The World ("Hey, Miguel, how come we cant convict innocent people so quickly and expensively?")','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('You will have to look a long way before you find a bunch of scum-suckers more greedy, humourless and deserving of death than the suits in the music business.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I found while driving in Wyoming that wearing a stetson and driving a beat-up pickup meant you could go as fast as you like, while the police picked up Californian winnebagos that went one mph over 55. After all, they wanted to bring money into the state, not merely circulate it.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Someone: Incidentally, do you have strong opinions about the meanings of "alternate" and "alternative"? TP: Yes. I think that pedants should be alternately ignored and flamed, unless there is a better alternative.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('And before anyone complains about the grammar, Im so jetlagged that my hands arent even in the same time zone...','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I always call it Tour Flu, because two or three weeks in hot bookshops with hundreds of people usually produces an ailment of some kind. Going on tour is like a box of rare diseases -- you never know what youre going to get.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Lets see, now... in HOGFATHER there are a number of stabbings, someones killed by a man made of knives, someones killed by the dark, and someone just been killed by a wardrobe. Its a book about the magic of childhood. You can tell.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If it wasnt for the fun and money, I really dont know why Id bother.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('One of the highlights of the first Good Omens tour was Neil and I walking through New York singing Shoehorn with Teeth. Well, wed had a good breakfast. And you dont get mugged, either.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Somewhere around the place Ive got an unfinished short story about Schrodingers Dog; it was mostly moaning about all the attention the cat was getting.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I do note with interest that old women in my books become young women on the covers... this is discrimination against the chronologically gifted.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Botswana is also the only country in the world with a colour in its flag meant to represent rain (a sort of blue-grey). Not many people know this.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('1) I have never waved a hankie in anger 2) I do not peronally know any Morris dancers 3) But Morris dancing is kind of funny and weird at the same time.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('There are no inconsistencies in the Discworld books; ocassionally, however, there are alternate pasts.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('One day Ill be dead and THEN youll all be sorry.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Any town built by filling a mud hole with sawdust and proudly having a slug as a sort of civic totem is a town, one feels, where Rincewind would feel right at home. -- Terry looks forward to his visit to Seattle, USA.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Somehow, trying to get Granny Weatherwax and panty raid into the same sentence is beyond me.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Im sure we can arrange an academic scholarship for Detritus. Troll cheerleaers would be nice: Two... four.... er..  many... lots.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Experience has taught me that you feel better on a flight if you avoid chicken fat in plastic sauce. -- The joys of travelling the world by plane','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I stroll along, talk, I sign books, people buy me drinks, I forget where my hotel is, I get lost and fall into some local body of water... done it hundreds of times. -- Going to a convention is fun!','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Ive always thought the Patrician is a party animal. Can you imagine waking up next day and remembering all those witty things you said and did, and then realising that he was listening?','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Its an old magical principle -- its even filtered down into RPG systems -- that magic, while taking a lot of effort, can be stored -- in a staff, for example.  No doubt a wizard spends a little time each day charging up his staff, although you go blind if you do it too much, of course.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Take One ticket to New Orleans Take One cab to Bourbon Street Take steps to the counter of the all night frozen dacquiri shop. Take One Large Cupful. -- Terrys recipe for the Ultimate Banana Dacquiri','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Someone: Terry, what the heck was going on at the end of Strata? Ive just re-read the ending again and come up with another possible explanation which takes the total number into double figures. TP: See? Other people would just have given you one or two. Amazing value, I think.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('3) I dont sign parts of the body, even if theyre still attached. -- From Terrys Rules of Book Signing','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Its not Brits who think American readers are a bunch of whinging morons with the geo-social understanding of a wire coathanger, its American editors.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I dont think Ive ever been critical of the money Douglas Adams makes, especially since, as has been tactfully pointed out, I myself have had to change banks having filled the first one up.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Oh dear, Im feeling political today. Its just that its dawned on me that zero tolerance only seems to mean putting extra police in poor, run-down areas, and not in the Stock Exchange.','Terry Pratchett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Im getting a lot of mail and email about FoC (I particularly liked the postcard which read We were sure it was the wallpaper, you bastard!!!!!). Im glad to say that most Baconians hared off after poissons rouge.','Terry Pratchett');