INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('A drink a day keeps the shrink away.','Edward Abbey');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell.','Edward Abbey');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('In social institutions, the whole is always less than the sum of its parts. There will never be a state as good as its people, or a church worthy of its congregation, or a university equal to its faculty and students.','Edward Abbey');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('In the Soviet Union, government controls industry. In the United States, industry controls government. That is the principal structural difference between the two great oligarchies of our time.','Edward Abbey');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Agnosticism is the philosophical, ethical and religious dryrot of the modern world.','F E Abbot');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If you have to ask, youre not entitled to know.','Charles C Abbott');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders.','Hal Abelson');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If we can dispel the delusion that learning about computers should be an activity of fiddling with array indexes and worrying whether X is an integer or a real number, we can begin to focus on programming as a source of ideas.','Harold Abelson');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I believe we are observing a race between the trend toward the successful social application of technology and the trend of public alienation with technology. I fear that if there is widespread disillusion with technology, scientific thought itself will not long be free and supported, and some dark ages may be upon us.','Clark Abt');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped.','Marcel Achard');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer.','Dean Acheson');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Everyone admits that love is wonderful and necessary, yet no one agrees on just what it is.','Diane Ackerman');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely.','Lord Acton');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The danger is not that a particular class is unfit to govern. Every class is unfit to govern.','Lord Acton');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Millions of men have lived to fight, build palaces and boundaries, shape destinies and societies; but the compelling force of all times has been the force of originality and creation profoundly affecting the roots of human spirit.','Ansel Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If Atheism is a religion, then health is a disease!','Clark Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('A computer terminal is not some clunky old television with a typewriter in front of it. It is an interface where the mind and body can connect with the universe and move bits of it about.','Douglas Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('All it takes to fly is to hurl yourself at the ground... and miss.','Douglas Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.','Douglas Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Bypasses are devices that allow some people to dash from point A to point B very fast while other people dash from point B to point A very fast. People living at point C, being a point directly in between, are often given to wonder whats so great about point A that so many people from point B are so keen to get there and whats so great about point B that so many people from point A are so keen to get *there*. They often wish that people would just once and for all work out where the hell they wanted to be.','Douglas Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Capital letters were always the best way of dealing with things you didnt have a good answer to.','Douglas Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-eight million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea ...','Douglas Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.','Douglas Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('He hoped and prayed that there wasnt an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasnt an afterlife.','Douglas Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.','Douglas Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.','Douglas Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be.','Douglas Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If on the other hand he went to pay his respects to The Door and it wasnt there... what then? The answer, of course, was very simple. He had a whole board of circuits for dealing with exactly this problem, in fact this was the very heart of his function. He would continue to believe in it whatever the facts turned out to be, what else was the meaning of belief? The Door would still be there, even if the Door was not.','Douglas Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('In the beginning, the universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry, and is generally considered to have been a bad move.','Douglas Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('It is an important and popular fact that things are not always as they seem.','Douglas Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Its no coincidence that in no known language does the phrase "As pretty as an airport" appear.','Douglas Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Life is wasted on the living.','Douglas Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Life... is like a grapefruit. Its orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast.','Douglas Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Men were real men, women were real women, and small, furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were REAL small, furry creatures from Alpha Centauri. Spirits were brave, men boldly split infinitives that no man had split before. Thus was the Empire forged.','Douglas Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The Hitch Hikers Guide has not been an opera. It has however been a tapestry, if you count a woven bath towel as a tapestry.','Douglas Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The night sky over the planet Krikkit is the least interesting sight in the entire Universe.','Douglas Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks dont.','Douglas Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.','Douglas Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('This planet has - or rather had - a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper, which is odd because on the whole it wasnt the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.','Douglas Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so.','Douglas Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Very deep. You should send that into Readers Digest, theyve got a page for people like you.','Douglas Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('You know, its at times like this when Im trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish Id listened to what my mother told me when I was young! "Why, what did she tell you?" I dont know, I didnt listen!','Douglas Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('What this country needs is a good five-cent nickel.','Frank Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I find that a great part of the information I have was acquired by looking up something and finding something else on the way.','Franklin P Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Note how good you feel after you have encouraged someone else. No other argument is necessary to suggest that never miss the opportunity to give encouragement.','George Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('There is no such thing as a self-made man. We are made up of thousands of others. Everyone who has ever done a kind deed for us, or spoken one word of encouragement to us, has entered into the make-up of our character and of our thoughts, as well as our success.','George Matthew Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('What you think means more than anything else in your life. More than what you earn, more than where you live, more than your social position, and more than what anyone else may think about you.','George Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Chaos often breeds life when order breeds habit.','Henry Brooks Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Friends are born, not made.','Henry Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('It is impossible to underrate human intelligence-beginning with ones own.','Henry Brooks Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('No man means all he says, and yet very few say all they mean, for words are slippery and thought is viscous.','Henry Brooks Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('No state has an inherent right to survive through conscript troops and, in the long run, no state ever has. Roman matrons used to say to their sons: "Come back with your shield, or on it". Later on this custom declined. So did Rome.','Henry Brooks Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('One friend in a lifetime is much; two are many; three are hardly possible. Friendship needs a certain parallelism of life, a community of thought, a rivalry of aim.','Henry Brooks Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Philosophy: unintelligible answers to insoluble problems.','Henry Brooks Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Politics, as a practice, whatever its professions, has always been the systematic organization of hatreds.','Henry B Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The work of internal government has become the task of controlling the thousands of fifth-rate men.','Henry B Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('You say that love is nonsense... I tell you it is no such thing. For weeks and months it is a steady physical pain, an ache about the heart, never leaving one, by night or by day; a long strain on ones nerves like toothache or rheumatism, not intolerable at any one instant, but exhausting by its steady drain on the strength.','Henry Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If werent for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldnt get any exercise at all.','Joey Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Marriage is give and take. Youd better give it to her or shell take it anyway.','Joey Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Arms in the hands of citizens [may] be used at individual discretion... in private defence.','John Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passions, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence.','John Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('In every human soul as it confronts the world there is a sense of the portentous. Our existence, our being here at all, our being in the world, is the really portentous fact for us; it is the sense of the unfamiliar, the strange, the threatening, the sense of not being at home in the world, even when there are no special threats ... all technology is the overcoming of the portentousness in things. The bare knowing, the classifying of things by means of laws and general interrelationships, represents a repression of their demonic depths, of their incomprehensibility, of their strangeness, their threat to human existence.','John Luther Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Liberty cannot be preserved without a general knowledge among the people.','John Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Old minds are like old horses; you must exercise them if you wish to keep them in working order.','John Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other.','John Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The doctrine of the divinity of Jesus is made a convenient cover for absurdity.','John Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The only maxim of a free government ought to be to trust no man living with power to endanger the public liberty.','John Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The vice presidency is not worth a bucket of warm spit.','John Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('There is but one element of government, and that is THE PEOPLE. From this element spring all governments. For a nation to be free, it is only necessary that she wills it. For a nation to be slave, it is only necessary that she wills it.','John Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Thomas Jefferson... still surv...','Last words of John Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Where do we find a precept in the Bible for Creeds, Confessions, Doctrines and Oaths, and whole carloads of other trumpery that we find religion encumbered with in these days?','John Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds. Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl.','Mike Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('My heart has joined the Thousand, for my friend stopped running today.','Richard Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Our childrens children will hear a good story.','Richard Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Let us contemplate out forefathers, and posterity, and resolve to maintain the rights bequeathed to us from the former, for the sake of the latter. The necessity of the times, more than ever, calls for our utmost circumspection, deliberation, fortitude, and perseverance. Let us remember that if we suffer tamely a lawless attack upon our liberty, we encourage it, and involve others in our doom. It is a very serious consideration that millions yet unborn may be the miserable sharers of the event.','Samuel Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Our contest is not only whether we ourselves shall be free, but whether there shall be left to mankind an asylum on earth for civil and religious liberty.','Samuel Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('As a fan, Im distraught, but as a cartoonist looking at new vacant spaces in 2,400 newspapers, well, behind me, my cats are dancing a conga line.','Scott Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Creativity is allowing oneself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.','Scott Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I believe everybody in the world should have guns. Citizens should have bazookas and rocket launchers too. I believe that all citizens should have their weapons of choice. However, I also believe that only I should have the ammunition. Because frankly, I wouldnt trust the rest of the goobers with anything more dangerous than string.','Scott Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how its done.','Scott Adams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Artists are always ready to sacrifice for art, if the price is right.','Gomez Addams');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Tis not in mortals to command success; But well do more, Sempronius- well deserve it.','Joseph Addison');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('A beautiful eye makes silence eloquent, a kind eye makes contradiction an assent, an enraged eye makes beauty deformed. This little member gives life to every part about us; and I believe the story of Argus implies no more, than the eye is in every part; that is to say, every other part would be mutilated, were not its force represented more by the eye than even by itself.','Joseph Addison');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('A statue lies hid in a block of marble; and the art of the statuary only clears away the superfluous matter, and removes the rubbish.','Joseph Addison');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('A well regulated commerce is not, like law, physic, or divinity, to be overstocked with hands; but, on the contrary, flourishes by multitudes, and gives employment to all its professors.','Joseph Addison');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes.','Joseph Addison');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Better to die a thousand deaths than wound my honour.','Joseph Addison');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Cheerfulness keeps up a kind of daylight in the mind, and fills it with a steady and perpetual serenity.','Joseph Addison');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Contentment produces in some measure, all those effects which the alchemist usually ascribes to what he calls the philosophers stone; and if it does not bring riches, it does the same thing, by banishing the desire of them. If it cannot remove the disquietudes arising from a mans mind, body, or fortune, it makes him easy under them.','Joseph Addison');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Friendship improves happiness, and abates misery, by doubling our joys, and dividing our grief.','Joseph Addison');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Good breeding shows itself most where, to an ordinary eye, it appears least.','Joseph Addison');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Great souls by instinct to each other turn. Demand alliance, and in friendship burn.','Joseph Addison');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('He who would pass his declining years with honour and comfort, should, when young, consider that he may one day become old, and remember when he is old, that he has once been young.','Joseph Addison');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If ridicule were employed to laugh men out of vice and folly, it might be of some use; but it is made use of to laugh men out of virtue and good sense, by attacking everything solemn and serious.','Addison');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('In my Lucias absence Life hangs upon me, and becomes a burden; I am ten times undone, while hope, and fear, And grief, and rage and love rise up at once, And with variety of pain distract me.','Joseph Addison');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Nothing is more gratifying to the mind of man than power or dominion.','Joseph Addison');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Talk not of comfort, tis for lighter ills; I will indulge my sorrows, and give way to all the pangs and fury of despair.','Joseph Addison');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The man who will live above his present circumstances is in great danger of living in a little time much beneath them.','Joseph Addison');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('There are many shining qualities in the mind of man, but there is none so useful as discretion; it is this, indeed, that gives a value to all the rest, which sets them to work in their proper times and places, and turns them to the advantage of the person who is possessed of them. Without it, learning is pedantry, and wit impertinence; virtue itself looks like weakness; the best parts only qualify a man to be more sprightly in errors, and active to his own principle.','Joseph Addison');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('To be an atheist requires an infinitely greater measure of faith than to receive all the great truths which atheism would deny.','Joseph Addison');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Usurer: A money-lender. He serves you in the present tense; he tends you in the conditional mood; keeps you in the subjunctive; and ruins you in the future.','Joseph Addison');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Anyone can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.','George Ade');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('It is easier to fight for ones principles than to live up to them.','Alfred Adler');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The mathematical life of a mathematician is short. Work rarely improves after the age of twenty-five or thirty. If little has been accomplished by then, little will ever be accomplished.','Alfred Adler');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The truth is often a terrible weapon of aggression. It is possible to lie, and even to murder with the truth.','Alfred Adler');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('All television is childrens television.','Richard P Adler');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Life beats down and crushes the soul and art reminds you that you have one.','Stella Adler');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('No religion can long continue to maintain its purity when the church becomes the subservient vassal of the state.','Felix Adler');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('... at the congress of the Lakedaimonian allies and the rest of the Hellenes, in which Amyntas, the father of Philip, being entitled to a seat, was represented by a delegate whose vote was absolutely under his control, he joined the rest of the Hellenes in voting...','Aeschines');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The future you shall know when it has come; before then, forget it.','Aeschylus');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The wisest of the wise may err.','Aeschylus');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('A crust eaten in peace is better than a banquet partaken in anxiety.','Aesop');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Affairs are easier of entrance than of exit; and it is but common prudence to see our way out before we venture in.','Aesop');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Any excuse will serve a tyrant.','Aesop');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Appearances often are deceiving.','Aesop');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Be content with your lot; one cannot be first in everything.','Aesop');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Better be wise by the misfortunes of others than by your own.','Aesop');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Better beans and bacon in peace than cakes and ale in fear.','Aesop');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Fine clothes may disguise, but foolish words will disclose a fool.','Aesop');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('He that always gives way to others will end in having no principles of his own.','Aesop');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('He that is neither one thing nor the other has no friends.','Aesop');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If you allow men to use you for your own purposes, they will use you for theirs.','Aesop');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Men often bear little grievances with less courage than they do large misfortunes.','Aesop');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Never soar aloft on an enemys pinions.','Aesop');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Never trust the advice of a man in difficulties.','Aesop');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Outside show is a poor substitute for inner worth.','Aesop');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Plodding wins the race.','Aesop');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('There can be little liking where there is no likeness.','Aesop');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('We often despise what is most useful to us.','Aesop');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('We would often be sorry if our wishes were gratified.','Aesop');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Wealth unused might as well not exist.','Aesop');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Yield to all and you will soon have nothing to yield.','Aesop');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I cannot afford to waste my time making money.','Jean Louis Agassiz');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I dont know very much, but what I do know I know better than anybody else and I dont want to argue about it... A mind is not a bed to be made and re-made.','James Agate');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Even God cannot change the past.','Agathon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Confronted with the choice, the American people would choose the policemans truncheon over the anarchists bomb.','Spiro T Agnew');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If youve seen one city slum, youve seen them all.','Spiro Agnew');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Dont worry about people stealing an idea. If its original, you will have to ram it down their throats.','Howard Aiken');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Blessed is the person who is too busy to worry in the daytime and too sleepy to worry at night.','Leo Aikman');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Marriage is more than four bare legs in a bed.','Hoshang N Akhtar');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The paper burns, but the words fly away.','Ben Joseph Akiba');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('It does take an exceptional mind and a still more exceptional integrity to remain untouched by the brain-influences of the worlds doctrines, the accumulated evil of centuries to remain human, since the human is the rational... Those who cry loudest about their disillusionment, about the failure of virtue, the futility of reason, the impotence of logic are those who have achieved the full, exact, logical result of the ideas that they preached... In such a world, the best have to turn against society and have to become its deadliest enemies... What complaint do they now have to make? That the universe is irrational? Is it?','Hugh Akston');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The soul is that which denies the body. For example, that which refuses to run when the body trembles, to strike when the body is angry, to drink when the body is thirsty.','Alain');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I had always loved beautiful and artistic things, though before leaving America I had a very little chance of seeing any.','Emma Albani');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I have a fine sense of ridiculous, but no sense of humour.','Edward Albee');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I swear, if you existed Id divorce you.','Edward Albee');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('When I investigate and when I discover that the forces of the heavens and the planets are within ourselves, then truly I seem to be living among the gods.','Leon Battista Alberti');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Even the best of friends cannot attend each others funeral.','Kehlog Albran');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('"Stay" is a charming word in a friends vocabulary.','Louisa May Alcott');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Father asked us what was Gods noblest work. Anna said men, but I said babies. Men are often bad, but babies never are.','Louisa May Alcott');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Love is a great beautifier.','Louisa May Alcott');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Money is the root of all evil, and yet it is such a useful root that we cannot get on without it any more than we can without potatoes.','Louisa May Alcott');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If at first you dont succeed, you are running about average.','M H Alderson');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Elegance of language may not be in the power of all of us; but simplicity and straight forwardness are. Write much as you would speak; speak as you think. If with your inferior, speak no coarser than usual; if with your superiors, no finer. Be what you say; and, within the rules of prudence, say what you are.','Alford');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('A man who views the world the same at fifty as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life.','Ali');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.','Muhammed Ali');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. Its not something you learn in school. But if you havent learned the meaning of friendship, you really havent learned anything.','Muhammad Ali');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Im a baaaadd man!!','Muhammed Ali');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Its just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I just beat people up.','Muhammed Ali');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth.','Muhammed Ali');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The man who has no imagination has no wings.','Muhammed Ali');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.','Muhammed Ali');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Avarice, envy, pride, Three fatal sparks, have set the hearts of all On Fire.','Dante Alighieri');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('For what is liberty but the unhampered translation of will into act.','Dante Alighieri');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Through me you pass into the city of woe: Through me you pass into eternal pain: Through me among the people lost for aye. Justice the founder of my fabric moved: To rear me was the task of power divine, Supremest wisdom, and primeval love. Before me things create were none, save things Eternal, and eternal I shall endure. All hope abandon, ye who enter here.','Dante Alighieri');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank.','Alphonse Allais');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Statistics have shown that mortality increases perceptibly in the military during wartime.','Alphonse Allais');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred.','Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.','Allens Law');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.','Fred Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('California is a fine place to live ... if you happen to be an orange.','Fred Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Committee - a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done.','Fred Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.','Fred Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for movie stars.','Fred Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If the grass is greener in the other fellows yard - let him worry about cutting it.','Fred Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Imitation is the sincerest form of television.','Fred Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Most of us spend the first 6 days of each week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.','Fred Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Television is a device that permits people who havent anything to do to watch people who cant do anything.','Fred Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a firefly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producers heart.','Fred Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Leisure time is that five or six hours when you sleep at night.','George Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Religions change; beer and wine remain.','Harvey Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Cameras are so simple to operate now that taking pictures is much easier than getting friends to look at them.','Hugh Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Work joyfully and peacefully, knowing that right thoughts and right efforts inevitably bring about right results.','James Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you.','James Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I didnt accept it. I received it.','Richard Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('And how can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter.','Woody Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('At the opera in Milan with my daughter and me, Needleman leaned out of his box and fell into the orchestra pit. Too proud to admit it was a mistake, he attended the opera every night for a month and repeated it each time.','Woody Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Eighty percent of success is showing up.','Woody Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I am at two with nature.','Woody Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear.','Woody Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I dont want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.','Woody Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I have an intense desire to return to the womb. Anybodys!','Woody Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go down and meet them with baseball bats.','Woody Allen, on the KKK');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I took a speed reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.','Woody Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick ... not wounded ... dead.','Woody Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Id call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.','Woody Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Im astounded by people who want to know the universe when its hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.','Woody Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.','Woody Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who cannot remember where they left things.','Woody Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Is sex dirty? Only when its being done right.','Woody Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies.','Woody Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better ... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.','Woody Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Its impossible to experience ones death objectively and still carry a tune.','Woody Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Its not that Im afraid to die. I just dont want to be there when it happens.','Woody Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.','Woody Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Love is the answer, but while youre waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.','Woody Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.','Woody Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.','Woody Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.','Woody Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('No matter how cynical you are, you cant keep up.','Woody Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.','Woody Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily as lying down.','Woody Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.','Woody Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you can get between the right man and the right woman.','Woody Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go its one of the best.','Woody Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Should I marry W.? Not if she wont tell me the other letters in her name.','Woody Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Some people hope to achieve immortality through their works or their children. I would prefer to achieve it by not dying.','Woody Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.','Woody Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy the waking hours much more.','Woody Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The great roe is a mythological beast with the head of a lion and the body of a lion, though not the same lion.','Woody Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf wont get much sleep.','Woody Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('To YOU Im an atheist; to God, Im the Loyal Opposition.','Woody Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours.','Woody Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.','Woody Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('What if nothing exists and were all in somebodys dream? Or whats worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists.','Woody Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?','Woody Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.','Woody Allen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Dont take life to serious, it aint nohow permanent.','Albert Alligator');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The best simpleminded test of expertise in a particular area is an ability to win money in a series of bets on future occurrences in that area.','Graham Allison');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The only thing you take with you when youre gone is what you leave behind.','John Allston');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Whenever books are burned men also in the end are burned.','Heinrich Heine Almansor');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('There are three kinds of death in this world. Theres heart death, theres brain death, and theres being off the network.','Guy Almes');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I... reject the argument put forth by many fundamentalists that science has nothing to do with religion because God is not among the things making up the universe in which we live. Surely if a necessity for a god concept in the universe ever turns up, that necessity will become evident to the scientist.','Ralph Asher Alpher');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I dont really believe there is a meaning to life. I think life is simply a fact which we have to accept, for better or worse. It is up to us to provide meanings implicitly through our work and our behaviour and our affections and our pleasures. Sometimes they seem enough, sometimes they dont. It is, above all, a question of patience.','Al Alverez');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Analysis kills spontaneity.','Henri-Frederic Amiel');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('At the bottom of the modern man there is always a great thirst for self-forgetfulness, self-distraction... and therefore he turns away from all those problems and abysses which might recall to him his own nothingness.','Henri-Frederic Amiel');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Conquering any difficulty always gives one a secret joy, for it means pushing back a boundary-line and adding to ones liberty.','Henri Frederic Amiel');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Doing easily what others find difficult is talent; doing what is impossible for talent is genius.','Henri-Frederic Amiel');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Great men are true men, the men in whom nature has succeeded. They are not extraordinary - they are in the true order. It is the other species of men who are not what they ought to be.','Henri-Frederic Amiel');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If ignorance and passion are the foes of popular morality, it must be confessed that moral indifference is the malady of the cultivated classes.','Henri-Frederic Amiel');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Life is short and we have never too much time for gladdening the hearts of those who are travelling the dark journey with us. Oh be swift to love, make haste to be kind.','Henri-Frederic Amiel');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Our systems, perhaps, are nothing more than an unconscious apology for our faults; a gigantic scaffolding whose object is to hide from us our favourite sin.','Henri-Frederic Amiel');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Science is the power of man and love his strength; man becomes man only by the intelligence, but he is man only by the heart.','Henri-Frederic Amiel');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The man who insists on seeing with perfect clearness before he decides, never decides.','Henri-Frederic Amiel');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('To know how to suggest is the art of teaching.','Henri-Frederic Amiel');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('To live we must conquer incessantly, we must have the courage to be happy.','Henri-Frederic Amiel');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Truth is not only violated by falsehood; it may be outraged by silence.','Henri-Frederic Amiel');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('We are never more discontented with others than when we are discontented with ourselves. The consciousness of wrong-doing makes us irritable, and our heart, in its cunning, quarrels with what is outside it, in order that it may deafen the clamour within.','Henri-Frederic Amiel');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Without passion man is a mere latent force and possibility, like the flint which awaits the shock of the iron before it can give forth its spark.','Henri-Frederic Amiel');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Woman is the salvation or the destruction of the family. She carries its destiny in the folds of her mantle.','Henri-Frederic Amiel');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If you cant annoy somebody, theres little point in writing.','Kingsley Amis');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('It is no wonder people are so horrible when they start life as children.','Kingsley Amis');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The incestuous relationship between government and big business thrives in the dark.','Jack Anderson');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We dont believe this to be a coincidence.','Jeremy S Anderson');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('When love is gone, theres always justice. And when justice is gone, theres always force. And when force is gone, theres always Mom. Hi, Mom!','Laurie Anderson');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('What price Glory?','Maxwell Anderson');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when you looked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated.','Poul Anderson');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The nearer the Church, the farther from God.','Andrewes');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Lifes a bitch. Youve got to go out and kick ass.','Maya Angelou');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If you dont like something, change it. If you cant change it, change your attitude. Dont complain.','Maya Angelou');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If you find it in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded.','Maya Angelou');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Most plain girls are virtuous because of the scarcity of opportunity to be otherwise.','Maya Angelou');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('There is no agony like bearing an untold story inside of you.','Maya Angelou');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If you dont double-click me, I cant do anything.','John Aniston, on how computers have taken over his life');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If you dont change your beliefs, your life will be like this forever. Is that good news?','Doctor Robert Anthony');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Most people would rather be certain theyre miserable, than risk being happy.','Robert Anthony');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('When you blame others, you give up your power to change.','Doctor Robert Anthony');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I was born a heretic. I always distrust people who know so much about what God wants them to do to their fellows.','Susan B Anthony');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Resolved, that the women of this nation in 1876, have greater cause for discontent, rebellion and revolution than the men of 1776.','Susan B Anthony');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The true republic: men, their rights and nothing more; women, their rights and nothing less.','Susan B Anthony');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('There are only two people who can tell you the truth about yourself an enemy who has lost his temper and a friend who loves you dearly.','Antisthenes');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The Devil can cite scripture for his purpose.','Antonio');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Seek not death in the error of your life: and pull not upon yourselves destruction with the works of your hands.','Apocrypha');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Seek not the things that are too hard for thee, neither search the things that are beyond thy strength.','Apocrypha');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Come to the edge He said. They said: We are afraid. Come to the edge He said. They came. He pushed them, and they flew...','Guillaume Apollinaire');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('We trained hard - but it seemed that every time we were beginning to form up into teams we were reorganized. I was to learn later in life that we tend to meet any new situation by reorganizing, and what a wonderful method it can be for creating the illusion of progress while actually producing confusion, inefficiency, and demoralization.','Petronius Arbiter');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Women like silent men. They think theyre listening.','Marcel Archard');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Give me a lever long enough and a fulcrum on which to place it, and I shall move the world.','Archimedes');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I have found it. [Eureka.]','Archimedes');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Take any religious mystery, any theological proposition: expressed in ordinary terms it will read like sheer nonsense to the outsider, from the ritualistic, symbolic eating of human flesh and blood practised by all the Christian sects to the outright cannibalism practised by some savages.','Major Whitey Ardmore');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('... you see, God whatever anyone chooses to call God is ones highest conception of the highest possible. And whoever places his highest conception above his own possibility thinks very little of himself and his life. Its a rare gift, you know, to feel reverence for your own life and to want the best, the greatest, the highest possible, here, now, for your very own. To imagine a heaven and then not to dream of it, but to demand it.','Kira Argounova');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('... happiness is the highest good, being a realization and perfect practice of virtue, which some can attain, while others have little or none of it...','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('All human actions have one or more of these seven causes: chance, nature, compulsion, habit, reason, passion, desire.','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('All virtue is summed up in dealing justly.','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('All who have meditated on the art of governing mankind have been convinced that the fate of empires depends on the education of youth.','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Anybody can become angry, that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way, that is not within everybodys power - that is not easy.','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Change in all things is sweet.','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Character is that which reveals moral purpose, exposing the class of things a man chooses or avoids.','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Different men seek after happiness in different ways and by different means, and so make for themselves different modes of life and forms of government.','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Dignity does not consist in possessing honours, but in deserving them.','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Education is the best provision for old age.','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies.','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Happiness depends upon ourselves.','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('He who has never learned to obey cannot be a good commander.','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('He who hath many friends hath none.','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('He who is unable to live in society, or who has no need because he is sufficient for himself, must be either a beast or a god.','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Hope is a waking dream.','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self.','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('In the arena of human life the honours and rewards fall to those who show their good qualities in action.','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('It concerns us to know the purposes we seek in life, for then, like archers aiming at a definite mark, we shall be more likely to attain what we want.','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('It is better for a city to be governed by a good man than by good laws.','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('It is well to be up before daybreak, for such habits contribute to health, wealth, and wisdom.','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Man is by nature a political animal.','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Moral excellence comes about as a result of habit. We become just by doing just acts, temperate by doing temperate acts, brave by doing brave acts.','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('My best friend is the man who in wishing me well wishes it for my sake.','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('No one loves the man whom he fears.','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Of all the varieties of virtues, liberalism is the most beloved.','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work.','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Probable impossibilities are to be preferred to improbable possibilities.','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The gods too are fond of a joke.','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The ideal man bears the accidents of life with dignity and grace, making the best of circumstances.','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The quality of life is determined by its activities.','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet.','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The worst form of inequality is to try to make unequal things equal.','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('There was never a genius without a tincture of madness.','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Those who educate children well are more to be honoured than parents, for these only gave life, those the art of living well.','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('To the query, "What is a friend?" his reply was "A single soul dwelling in two bodies."','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit.','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('We make war that we may live in peace.','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Wicked men obey for fear, but the good for love.','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Wit is cultured insolence.','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods.','Aristotle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Beauty is only skin deep, and the world is full of thin skinned people.','Richard Armour');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('In larger things we are convivial; What causes trouble is the trivial.','Richard Armour');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Its all right to hold a conversation, but you should let go of it now and then.','Richard Armour');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Middle age is the time of life that a man first notices in his wife.','Richard Armour');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('A God who kept tinkering with the universe was absurd; a God who interfered with human freedom and creativity was tyrant. If God is seen as a self in a world of his own, an ego that relates to a thought, a cause separate from its effect. "he" becomes a being, not Being itself. An omnipotent, all-knowing tyrant is not so different from earthly dictators who make everything and everybody mere cogs in the machine which they controlled. An atheism that rejects such a God is amply justified.','Karen Armstrong');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('It suddenly struck me that that tiny pea, pretty and blue, was the Earth. I put up my thumb and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth. I didnt feel like a giant. I felt very, very small.','Neil Armstrong');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Thats one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.','Neil Armstrong');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Well Walter, I believe that the Good Lord gave us a finite number of heartbeats and Im damned if Im going to use up mine running up and down a street.','Neil Armstrong, to Walter Cronkite');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('But each day brings its petty dust Our soon-chokd souls to fill, And we forget because we must, And not because we will.','Matthew Arnold');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Resolve to find thyself; and to know that he who finds himself, loses his misery.','Matthew Arnold');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('This strange disease of modern life, With its sick hurry.','Matthew Arnold');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Truth sits upon the lips of dying men.','Matthew Arnold');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Im not a sexist, but Im pretty good.','Tom Arnold');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Two more laser treatments and this is gone.','Tom Arnold, describing his plans for the "Rosanne" tattoo on his chest');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('What passes for optimism is most often the effect of an intellectual error.','Raymond Aron');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('He sent to Athens three hundred Persian panoplies to be set up to Athena in the acropolis; he ordered this inscription to be attached: Alexander son of Philip and the Hellenes, except the Lacedaemonians, set up these spoils from the barbarians dwelling in Asia.','Arrian');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Your ancestors invaded Macedonia and the rest of Hellas and did us great harm, though we had done them no prior injury;... I have been appointed hegemon of the Greeks...','Arrian');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('A little inaccuracy contains a world of explanation.','Aryes');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Aerodynamically, the bumble bee shouldnt be able to fly, but the bumble bee doesnt know it so it goes on flying anyway.','Mary Kay Ash');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('In a great romance, each person plays a part the other really likes.','Elizabeth Ashley');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Apes were invented because politicians were needed.','Isaac Asimov');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Creationists make it sound as though a theory is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night.','Isaac Asimov');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('From my close observation of writers... they fall into two groups: 1) those who bleed copiously and visibly at any bad review, and 2) those who bleed copiously and secretly at any bad review.','Isaac Asimov');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Humanity has the stars in its future, and that future is too important to be lost under the burden of juvenile folly and ignorant superstition.','Isaac Asimov');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I do not fear computers. I fear lack of them.','Isaac Asimov');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I dont believe in an afterlife, so I dont have to spend my whole life fearing hell, or fearing heaven even more. For whatever the tortures of hell, I think the boredom of heaven would be even worse.','Isaac Asimov');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If knowledge can create problems, it is not through ignorance that we can solve them.','Isaac Asimov');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Meanwhile, fears of universal disaster sank to an all-time low over the world.','Isaac Asimov');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Our lifetime may be the last that will be lived out in a technological society.','Isaac Asimov');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Suppose that we are wise enough to learn and know and yet not wise enough to control our learning and knowledge, so that we use it to destroy ourselves? Even if that is so, knowledge remains better than ignorance. It is better to know even if the knowledge endures only for the moment that comes before destruction than to gain eternal life at the price of a dull and swinish lack of comprehension of a universe that swirls unseen before us in all its wonder. That was the choice of Achilles, and it is mine, too.','Isaac Asimov');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds the most discoveries, is not "Eureka!", but "Thats funny..."','Isaac Asimov');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('There is a single light of science, and to brighten it anywhere is to brighten it everywhere.','Isaac Asimov');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Things do change. The only question is that since things are deteriorating so quickly, will society and mans habits change quickly enough?','Isaac Asimov');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('United Nations, New York, December 25. The peace and joy of the Christmas season was marred by a proclamation of a general strike of all the military forces of the world. Panic reigns in the hearts of all the patriots of every persuasion.','Isaac Asimov');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('When the lay public rallies round an idea that is denounced by distinguished but elderly scientists, and supports that idea with great fervour and emotion the distinguished but elderly scientists are then, after all, right.','Isaac Asimov');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If I forget thee, Lord, do not thou forget me.','Astley');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I married beneath me. All women do.','Lady Nancy Witcher Langhorne Astor');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I refuse to admit that I am more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate.','Lady Nancy Astor');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('In passing, also, I would like to say that the first time Adam had a chance, he laid the blame on a woman.','Lady Nancy Witcher Langhorne Astor');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('One reason I dont drink is because I wish to know when Im having a good time.','Lady Nancy Witcher Langhorne Astor');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The only thing I like about rich people is their money.','Lady Nancy Witcher Langhorne Astor');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('We are not asking for superiority for we have always had that; all we ask is equality.','Lady Nancy Witcher Langhorne Astor');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The Democrats say you arent worried about the $2.8 trillion national debt theyve created.','Lee Atwater');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('An eye for an eye only leads to more blindness.','Margaret Atwood');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('My good intentions are completely lethal.','Margaret Atwood');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh.','W H Auden');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Civilization is a little citadel of light in a malignant sea of darkness.','Auden');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('In those whom I like, I can find no common denominator; in those whom I love I can: they all make me laugh.','W H Auden');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('No good opera plot can be sensible, for people do not sing when they are feeling sensible.','W H Auden');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Perhaps there is only one cardinal sin: impatience. Because of impatience we were driven out of Paradise, because of impatience we cannot return.','W H Auden');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Some books are undeservedly forgotten; none are undeservedly remembered.','W H Auden');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Those who hate to go to bed fear death; those who hate to get up fear life.','Wystan Hugh Auden');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Those who will not reason / Perish in the act: / Those who will not act / Perish for that reason.','Wystan Hugh Auden');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Weep for the lives your wishes never led.','W H Auden');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('What the mass media offers is not popular art, but entertainment which is intended to be consumed like food, forgotten, and replaced by a new dish.','W H Auden');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('When I find myself in the company of scientists, I feel like a shabby curate who has strayed by mistake into a room full of dukes.','W H Auden');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('When one has great gifts, what answer to the meaning of existence should one require beyond the right to exercise them?','Wystan Hugh Auden');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('It is as painful perhaps to be awakened from a vision as to be born.','James Augustine');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('A thing is not necessarily true because badly uttered, nor false because spoken magnificently.','Saint Augustine');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('An apt and true reply was given to Alexander the Great by a pirate who had been seized. For when that king had asked the man what he meant by keeping hostile possession of the sea, he answered with bold pride. "What thou meanest by seizing the whole earth; but because I do it with a petty ship, I am called a robber, whilst thou who dost it with a great fleet art styled emperor."','Saint Augustine');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Bad company is like a nail driven into a post, which, after the first or second blow, may be drawn out with little difficulty; but being once driven up to the head, the pincers cannot take hold to draw it out, but which can only be done by the destruction of the wood.','Saint Augustine');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Be always displeased with what thou art, if your desirest to attain to what thou art not; for where thou hast pleased thyself, there thou abidest. But if thou have enough thou perisheth. Always add, always walk, always proceed. Neither stand still, nor go back, nor deviate.','Saint Augustine');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Cursed is every-one who places his hope in man.','Saint Augustine');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.','Saint Augustine');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('God will not suffer man to have the knowledge of things to come; for if he had prescience of his prosperity he would be careless; and understanding of his adversity he would be senseless.','Saint Augustine');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If I am given a formula, and I am ignorant of its meaning, it cannot teach me anything, but if I already know it what does the formula teach me?','Saint Augustine');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Indeed, man wishes to be happy even when he so lives as to make happiness impossible.','Saint Augustine');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Love the sinner but hate the sin.','Saint Augustine');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Six is a number perfect in itself, and not because God created the world in six days; rather the contrary is true. God created the world in six days because this number is perfect, and it would remain perfect, even if the work of the six days did not exist.','Saint Augustine');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The good Christian should beware of mathematicians, and all those who make empty prophecies. The danger already exists that the mathematicians have made a covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and to confine man in the bonds of Hell.','Saint Augustine');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('To many total abstinence is easier than perfect moderation.','Saint Augustine');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('We can know what God is not, but we cannot know what He is.','Saint Augustine');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('A candour affected is a dagger concealed.','Marcus Aurelius');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('A mans worth is no greater than the worth of his ambitions.','Marcus Aurelius');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart.','Marcus Aurelius');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('And thou wilt give thyself relief, if thou doest every act of thy life as if it were the last.','Marcus Aurelius');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it.','Marcus Aurelius');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If it is not right do not do it; if it is not true do not say it.','Marcus Aurelius');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.','Marcus Aurelius');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears.','Marcus Aurelius');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Such as are your habitual thoughts, such also will be the character of your mind; for the soul is dyed by the thoughts.','Marcus Aurelius');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The art of living is more like that of wrestling than of dancing; the main thing is to stand firm and be ready for an unseen attack.','Marcus Aurelius');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('To listen to some devout people, one would imagine that God never laughs.','Ghose Aurobindo');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I do not want people to be agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them.','Jane Austen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('It is always incomprehensible to a man that a woman should ever refuse an offer of marriage.','Jane Austen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('One does not love a place the less for having suffered in it unless it has all been suffering, nothing but suffering.','Jane Austen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other.','Jane Austen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Those who do not complain are never pitied.','Jane Austen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The danger from computers is not that they will eventually get as smart as men, but we will meanwhile agree to meet them halfway.','Bernard Avishai');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Against stupidity, even the gods themselves contend in vain.','Isaac Azimov');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('People say "I want peace." If you remove I {ego}, and your want {desire}, you are left with peace.','Satya Sai Baba');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('You will be able to appreciate the influence of such an Engine on the future progress of science. I live in a country which is incapable of estimating it.','Charles Babbage');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Business is religion and religion is business.','M Babcock');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Let him who would enjoy a good future waste none of his present.','Roger Babson');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Theres nothing remarkable about it. All one has to do is hit the right keys at the right time and the instrument plays itself.','Johann Sebastian Bach');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('"Do you know what I learned from you? I learned what is possible, and now I must hold out for what I thought we had. I want to be very close to someone I respect and admire and have somebody who feels the same way about me. That or nothing. I realized that what Im looking for is not what youre looking for. You dont want what I want." "What do you think I want?" I asked. "Exactly what you have. Many women you know a little and dont care very much about. Superficial flirtations mutual use, no chance of love. Thats my idea of hell. Hell is a place, a time, a consciousness, Richard, in which there is no love. Horrible! Leave me out of it."','Richard Bach');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('... there is such a thing as perfection... and our purpose for living is to find that perfection and show it forth... Each of us is in truth an unlimited idea of freedom. Everything that limits us we have to put aside.','Richard Bach');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Can miles truly separate us from friends? If we want to be with someone we love, arent we already there?','Richard Bach');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Every problem has a gift for you in its hands.','Richard Bach');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If youre alive, it isnt.','Richard Bach');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('In order to live free and happily you must sacrifice boredom. It is not always an easy sacrifice.','Richard Bach');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Learning is finding out what you already know.','Richard Bach');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Not being known doesnt stop the truth from being true.','Richard Bach');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Thats what learning is, after all; not whether we lose the game, but how we lose and how weve changed because of it and what we take away from it that we never had before, to apply to other games. Losing, in a curious way, is winning.','Richard Bach');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.','Richard Bach');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true. You may have to work for it, however.','Richard Bach');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('A small town is a place where theres no place to go where you shouldnt.','Bacharach');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.','Jim Backus');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('A king that would not feel his crown too heavy for him, must wear it every day; but if he think it too light, he knoweth not of what metal it is made.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('A little philosophy inclineth mans mind to atheism, but depth of philosophy bringeth a mans mind about to religion.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('A man who studieth revenge keeps his own wounds green.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('A prudent question is one-half wisdom.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('A sudden bold and unexpected question doth many times surprise a man and lay him open.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('All rising to a great place is by a winding stair.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Atheism is rather in the life than in the heart of man.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Beauty is as summer fruits, which are easy to corrupt and cannot last; and for the most part it makes a dissolute youth, and an age a little out of countenance; but if it light well, it makes virtue shine and vice blush.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Believe not much them that seem to despise riches; for they despise them that despair of them; and none are worse when they come to them. Be not penny-wise; riches have wings, and sometimes they fly away of themselves, sometimes they must be set flying to bring in more.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Books must follow sciences, and not sciences books.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Choose the life that is most useful, and habit will make it the most agreeable.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Discretion in speech is more than eloquence.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Doth any man doubt, that if there were taken out of mens minds, vain opinions, flattering hopes, false valuations, imaginations as one would, and the like, but it would leave the minds, of a number of men, poor shrunken things, full of melancholy and indisposition, and unpleasing to themselves?','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('For those who intend to discover and to understand, not to indulge in conjectures and soothsaying, and rather than contrive imitation and fabulous worlds plan to look deep into the nature of the real world and to dissect it ... for them everything must be sought in things themselves.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('For what a man would like to be true, that he more readily believes.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Fortitude is the marshal of thought, the armour of the will, and the fort of reason.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Fortune is like the market, where, many times, if you can stay a little, the price will fall.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Generally he perceived in men of devout simplicity this opinion: that the secrets of nature were the secrets of God, part of that glory into which man is not to press too boldly.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('God has placed no limits to the exercise of the intellect he has given us, on this side of the grave.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('He that will not apply new remedies must expect new evils, for time is the greatest innovator.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('History makes men wise; poets, witty; the mathematics, subtle; natural philosophy, deep; moral, grave; logic and rhetoric able to contend.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Hope is a good breakfast, but it is a bad supper.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I could hold every man a debtor to his profession; from the which as men of course do seek to receive countenance and profit, so ought they of duty to endeavour themselves by way of amends to be a help and ornament thereunto.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If a mans wit be wandering, let him study the mathematics.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If any human being earnestly desire to push on to new discoveries instead of just retaining and using the old; to win victories over Nature as a worker rather than over hostile critics as a disputant; to attain, in fact, clear and demonstrative knowledge instead of attractive and probable theory; we invite him as a true son of Science to join our ranks.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If money be not thy servant, it will be thy master. The covetous man cannot so properly be said to possess wealth, as that may be said to possess him.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If we do not maintain Justice, Justice will not maintain us.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humour to console him for what he is.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('It is impossible to love and to be wise.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Knowledge itself is power.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Libraries are the shrines where all the relics of the ancient saints, full of true virtue, and that without delusion or imposture, are preserved and reposed.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Man, being the servant and interpreter of nature, can do and understand so much and so much only as he has observed in fact or in thought of the course of nature: beyond this he neither knows anything nor can do anything.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Men fear death as children fear to go in the dark; and as that natural fear in children is increased by tales, so is the other.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Money is like muck, not good except it be spread.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Natural abilities are like natural plants, that need pruning by study; and studies themselves do give forth directions too much at large, except they be bounded in by experience.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Nature, to be commanded, must be obeyed.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Nuptial love maketh mankind, friendly love perfecteth it; but wanton love corrupteth and embaseth it.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Our humanity were a poor thing were it not for the divinity which stirs within us.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Philosophy, when superficially studied, excites doubt; when thoroughly explored, it dispels it.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Praise from the common people is generally false, and rather follows the vain than the virtuous.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Prosperity doth best discover vice, but adversity doth best discover virtue.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Prosperity is not without many fears and distaste; adversity not without many comforts and hopes.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Read not to contradict and confute, nor to believe and take for granted, nor to find talk and discourse, but to weigh and consider.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Reading maketh a full man, conference a ready man, and writing an exact man.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Rebellions of the belly are the worst.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Silence is the virtue of fools. [Silentium, stultorum virtus.]','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few to be chewed and digested.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Some books are to be tasted; others swallowed; and some to be chewed and digested.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Testimony is like an arrow shot from a long bow; the force of it depends on the strength of the hand that draws it. Argument is like an arrow from a cross-bow, which has equal force though shot by a child.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The arch-flatterer, with whom all the petty flatterers have intelligence, is a mans self.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The desire of power in excess caused angels to fall; the desire of knowledge in excess caused man to fall; but in charity is no excess, neither can man or angels come into danger by it.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The first creation of God in the works of the days was the light of the sense, the last was the light of the reason; and his Sabbath work ever since is the illumination of the spirit.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The reverence of a mans self is, next to religion, the chiefest bridle of all vices.','Lord Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The root of all superstition is that men observe when a thing hits but not when it misses.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('There are three parts in truth: first, the inquiry, which is the wooing of it; secondly, the knowledge of it, which is the presence of it; and thirdly, the belief, which is the enjoyment of it.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('There is a difference between happiness and wisdom: he that thinks himself the happiest man is really so; but he that thinks himself the wisest is generally the greatest fool.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('There is as much difference between the counsel that a friend giveth, and that a man giveth himself, as there is between counsel of a friend and a flatterer.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('There is no excellent beauty that hath not some strangeness in the proportion.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('There is no great concurrence between learning and wisdom.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('This communicating of a mans self to his friend works two contrary effects; for it redoubleth joys, and cutteth griefs in half.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('To choose time is to save time.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('To read without reflecting, is like eating without digesting.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Truth will come sooner out of error than from confusion.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Universities incline wits to sophistry and affectation.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('We cannot command nature except by obeying her.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('We take cunning for a sinister and crooked wisdom, and certainly there is a great difference between a cunning man and a wise man, not only in point of honesty but in point of ability.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Whoever is out of patience is out of possession of his soul. Men must not turn into bees, and kill themselves in stinging others.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Whosoever is delighted in solitude is either a wild beast or a god.','Francis Bacon');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('It is good to be without vices, but it is not good to be without temptations.','Walter Bagehot');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.','Walter Bagehot');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The reason that there are so few good books written is that so few people who write know anything.','Walter Bagehot');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('When will the public cease to insult the teachers calling with empty flattery? When will men who would never for a moment encourage their own sons to enter the work of the public schools cease to tell us that education is the greatest and noblest of all human callings?','William C Bagley');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Religion is verily the chief instrument for the establishment of order in the world and of tranquillity amongst its peoples... The greater the decline of religion, the more grievous the waywardness of the ungodly. This cannot but lead in the end to chaos and confusion.','BahaAllah');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('It is not for him to pride himself who loveth his own country, but rather for him who loveth the whole world. The earth is but one country and mankind its citizens.','Bahaullah');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The beautiful are never desolate. But someone always loves them.','Bailey');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('When they discover the centre of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it.','Bernard Bailey');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('To talk to someone who does not listen is enough to tense the devil.','Pearl Bailey');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork.','Pearl Bailey');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Friendship is no plant of hasty growth; Tho planted in esteems deep fixed soil, The gradual culture of kind intercourse Must bring it to perfection.','Joanna Baillie');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('People in aluminium houses shouldnt throw can openers.','Chris Baker');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The main thing I like about New Yorkers is that they understand that their lives are a relentless circus of horrors, ending in death. As New Yorkers, we realize this, we resign ourselves to our fate, and we make sure that everyone else is as miserable as we are. Good town.','Kyle Baker');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Eternal boyhood is the dream of a depressing percentage of American males, and the locker room is the temple where they worship arrested development.','Russell Baker');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I gave up on new poetry myself thirty years ago, when most of it began to read like coded messages passing between lonely aliens on a hostile world.','Russell Baker');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three categories... those that dont work, those that break down, and those that get lost.','Russell Baker');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down.','Russell Baker');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out on the pleasure.','Russell Baker');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Reporters thrive on the worlds misfortune. For this reason they often take an indecent pleasure in events that dismay the rest of humanity.','Russell Baker');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The only thing I was fit for was to be a writer, and this notion rested solely on my suspicion that I would never be fit for real work, and that writing didnt require any.','Russell Baker');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Usually, terrible things that are done with the excuse that progress requires them are not really progress at all, but just terrible things.','Russell Baker');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Freedom is the absolute right of all adult men and women to seek permission for their action only from their own conscience and reason, and to be determined in their actions only by their own will, and consequently to be responsible only to themselves, and then to the society to which they belong, but only insofar as they have made a free decision to belong to it.','Mikhail A Bakunin');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If God really existed, it would be necessary to abolish him.','Mikhail Bakunin');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('It clearly follows that to make men moral it is necessary to make their social environment moral. And that can be done in only one way; by assuring the triumph of justice, that is, the complete liberty of everyone in the most perfect equality for all. Inequality of conditions and rights, and the resulting lack of liberty for all, is the great collective iniquity begetting all individual iniquities.','Mikhail Bakunin');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Man does not become man, nor does he achieve awareness or realization of his humanity, other than in society and in the collective movement of the whole society; he only shakes off the yoke of internal nature through collective or social labour... and without his material emancipation there can be no intellectual or moral emancipation for anyone... man in isolation can have no awareness of his liberty. Being free for man means being acknowledged, considered and treated as such by another man, and by all the men around him. Liberty is therefore a feature not of isolation but of interaction, not of exclusion but rather of connection... I myself am human and free only to the extent that I acknowledge the humanity and liberty of all my fellows... I am properly free when all the men and women about me are equally free. Far from being a limitation or a denial of my liberty, the liberty of another is its necessary condition and confirmation.','Mikhail Bakunin');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('No theory, no ready-made system, no book that has ever been written will save the world. I cleave to no system. I am a true seeker.','Mikhail Bakunin');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The liberty of man consists solely in this: that he obeys natural laws because he has himself recognized them as such, and not because they have been externally imposed upon him by any extrinsic will whatever, divine or human, collective or individual.','Mikhail Bakunin');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('A child cannot be taught by anyone who despises him, and a child cannot afford to be fooled.','James Arthur Baldwin');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Every legend, moreover, contains its residuum of truth, and the root function of language is to control the universe by describing it.','James Arthur Baldwin');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Freedom is not something that anybody can be given; Freedom is something that people take and people are as free as they want to be.','James Arthur Baldwin');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I love America more than any other country in this world, and, exactly for this reason, I insist on the right to criticize her perpetually.','James Baldwin');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Know from whence you came. If you know whence you came, there are absolutely no limitations to where you can go.','James Arthur Baldwin');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.','James Baldwin');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.','James Baldwin');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Money, it turned out, was exactly like sex, you thought of nothing else if you didnt have it and thought of other things if you did.','James Baldwin');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Nobody is more dangerous than he who imagines himself pure in heart; for his purity, by definition, is unassailable.','James Baldwin');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.','James Baldwin');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The future is like heaven, everyone exalts it, but no one wants to go there now.','James Baldwin');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.','James Arthur Baldwin');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The world is before you, and you need not take it or leave it as it was before you came in.','James Arthur Baldwin');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('You write in order to change the world, knowing perfectly well that you probably cant, but also knowing that literature is indispensable to the world... The world changes according to the way people see it, and if you alter, even by a millimetre, the way ... people look at reality, then you can change it.','James Arthur Baldwin');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('So long as we have enough people in this country willing to fight for their rights, well be called a democracy.','Roger Baldwin');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Nothing matters very much, and little matters at all.','Lord Balfour');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The past should be a springboard, not a hammock.','Ivern Ball');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I dont know anything about luck. Ive never banked on it, and Im afraid of people who do. Luck to me is something else; hard work and realizing what is opportunity and what isnt.','Lucille Ball');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('A woman knows the face of the man she loves like a sailor knows the open sea.','Honore de Balzac');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('All humanity is passion; without passion, religion, history, novels, art would be ineffectual.','Honore de Balzac');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Behind every great fortune there is a crime.','Honore de Balzac');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('It is easier to be a lover than a husband for the simple reason that it is more difficult to be witty every day than to say pretty things from time to time.','Honore de Balzac');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Love is a game in which one always cheats.','Honore de Balzac');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman.','Honore de Balzac');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Nothing so fortifies a friendship as a belief on the part of one friend that he is superior to the other.','Honore de Balzac');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Solitude is fine, but you need someone to tell you that solitude is fine.','Honore de Balzac');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The duration of passion is proportionate with the original resistance of the woman.','Honore de Balzac');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin.','Honore de Balzac');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The motto of chivalry is also the motto of wisdom; to serve all, but love only one.','Honore de Balzac');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('When women love us, they forgive us everything, even our crimes; when they do not love us, they give us credit for nothing, not even our virtues.','Honore de Balzac');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Conscience is the mirror of our souls, which represents the errors of our lives in their full shape.','George Bancroft');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting.','Ray Bandy');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Ill come up and make love to you at five oclock. If Im late, start without me.','Tallulah Bankhead');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Its the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.','Tallulah Bankhead');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Never practice two vices at once.','Tallulah Bankhead');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Nobody can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it.','Tallulah Bankhead');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('To live will be the greatest adventure of all.','Banning');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Were such things here as we do speak about? Or have we eaten on the insane root that takes the reason prisoner?','Banquo');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('God has been replaced, as he has all over the West, with respectability and air conditioning.','Imamu Amiri Baraka');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('To look backward for a while is to refresh the eye, to restore it, and to render it more fit for its prime function of looking forward.','Margaret Fairless Barber');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('What is life? An illusion, a shadow, a story. And the greatest good is little enough: for all life is a dream, and dreams themselves are only dreams.','Pedro Calderon de la Barca');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Ive always thought that the most extraordinary special effect you could do is to buy a child at the moment of its birth, sit it on a little chair and say, "Youll have three score years and ten," and take a photograph every minute. "And well watch you and photograph you for ten years after you die, then well run the film." Wouldnt that be extraordinary? Wed watch this thing get bigger and bigger, and flower to become extraordinary and beautiful, then watch it crumble, decay, and rot.','Clive Barker');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('My initial response was to sue her for defamation of character, but then I realized that I had no character.','Charles Barkley, on hearing Tonya Harding proclaim herself "the Charles Barkley of figure skating"');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Groundless hope, like unconditional love, is the only kind worth having.','John Perry Barlow');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('In Cyberspace, the First Amendment is a local ordinance.','John Perry Barlow');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Relying on the government to protect your privacy is like asking a peeping tom to install your window blinds.','John Perry Barlow');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Television is the first truly democratic culture, the first culture available to everybody and entirely governed by what the people want. the most terrifying thing is what people do want.','Clive Barnes');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Beauty... Its a sort of bloom on a woman. If you have it you dont need to have anything else; and it you dont have it, it doesnt much matter what else you have.','James Matthew Barrie');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Never ascribe to an opponent motives meaner than your own.','J M Barrie');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else.','James Matthew Barrie');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Ones religion is whatever he is most interested in, and yours is Success.','James M Barrie');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Shall we make a new rule of life from tonight: always try to be a little kinder than is necessary.','James Matthew Barrie');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another.','James Matthew Barrie');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The printing press is either the greatest blessing or the greatest curse of modern times, sometimes one forgets which.','James Matthew Barrie');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves.','James Matthew Barrie');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('When the first baby laughed for the first time, the laugh broke into a thousand pieces and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies.','James Matther Barrie');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('... I should explain that I was wearing a black velvet cape that was supposed to make me look like the dashing, romantic Zorro but which actually made me look like a gigantic bat wearing glasses ...','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('... Now youre ready for the actual shopping. Your goal should be to get it over with as quickly as possible, because the longer you stay in the mall, the longer your children will have to listen to holiday songs on the mall public-address system, and many of these songs can damage children emotionally. For example: "Frosty the Snowman" is about a snowman who befriends some children, plays with them until they learn to love him, then melts. And "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" is about a young reindeer who, because of a physical deformity, is treated as an outcast by the other reindeer. Then along comes good, old Santa. Does he ignore the deformity? Does he look past Rudolphs nose and respect Rudolph for the sensitive reindeer he is underneath? No. Santa asks Rudolph to guide his sleigh, as if Rudolph were nothing more than some kind of headlight with legs and a tail. So unless you want your children exposed to this kind of insensitivity, you should shop quickly.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('... Once youre safely in the mall, you should tie your children to you with ropes so the other shoppers wont try to buy them. Holiday shoppers have been whipped into a frenzy by months of holiday advertisements, and they will buy anything small enough to stuff into a shopping bag. If your children object to being tied, threaten to take them to see Santa Claus; that ought to shut them up.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('... Our second completely true news item was sent to me by Mr. H. Boyce Connell Jr. of Atlanta, Ga., where he is involved in a law firm. One thing I like about the South is, folks there care about tradition. If somebody gets handed a name like "H. Boyce," he hangs on to it, puts it on his legal stationery, even passes it to his son, rather than do what a lesser person would do, such as get it changed or kill himself.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('... So the documentary-makers stick with sharks. Generally, their procedure is to scatter bleeding fish pieces around their boat, so as to infest the waters. I would estimate that the primary food source of sharks today is bleeding fish pieces scattered by people making documentaries. Once the sharks arrive, they are generally fairly listless. The general shark attitude seems to be: "Oh God, another documentary." So the divers have to somehow goad them into attacking, under the guise of Scientific Research. "We know very little about the effect of electricity on sharks," the narrator will say, in a deeply scientific voice. "That is why Todd is going to jab this Great White in the testicles with a cattle prod." The divers keep this kind of thing up until the shark finally gets irritated and snaps at them, and then they act as though this was a totally unexpected and very dangerous development, although clearly it is what they wanted all along.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('... the Mayo Clinic, named after its founder, Dr. Ted Clinic ...','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('... This striving for excellence extends into peoples personal lives as well. When 80s people buy something, they buy the best one, as determined by (1) price and (2) lack of availability. Eighties people buy imported dental floss. They buy gourmet baking soda. If an 80s couple goes to a restaurant where they have made a reservation three weeks in advance, and they are informed that their table is available, they stalk out immediately, because they know it is not an excellent restaurant. If it were, it would have an enormous crowd of excellence-oriented people like themselves waiting, their beepers going off like crickets in the night. An excellent restaurant wouldnt have a table ready immediately for anybody below the rank of Liza Minnelli.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('A child can go only so far in life without potty training. It is not mere coincidence that six of the last seven presidents were potty trained, not to mention nearly half of the nations state legislators.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('After a few boring years, socially meaningful rock n roll died out. It was replaced by disco, which offers no guidance to any form of life more advanced than the lichen family.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('After Benjamin Franklin came a herd of Electrical Pioneers whose names have become part of our electrical terminology: Myron Volt, Mary Louise Amp, James Watt, Bob Transformer, etc. These pioneers conducted many important electrical experiments. For example, in 1780 Luigi Galvani discovered (this is the truth) that when he attached two different kinds of metal to the leg of a frog, an electrical current developed and the frogs leg kicked, even though it was no longer attached to the frog, which was dead anyway. Galvanis discovery led to enormous advances in the field of amphibian medicine. Today, skilled veterinary surgeons can take a frog that has been seriously injured or killed, implant pieces of metal in its muscles, and watch it hop back into the pond just like a normal frog, except for the fact that it sinks like a stone.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can, too, provided you use them for business purposes. For example, if you subscribe to the Wall Street Journal, a business-related newspaper, you can deduct the cost of your house, because, in the words of U.S. Supreme Court Chief Justice Warren Burger in a landmark 1979 tax decision: "Where else are you going to read the paper? Outside? What if it rains?"','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today its open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Although we modern persons tend to take our electric lights, radios, mixers, etc., for granted, hundreds of years ago people did not have any of these things, which is just as well because there was no place to plug them in. Then along came the first Electrical Pioneer, Benjamin Franklin, who flew a kite in a lighting storm and received a serious electrical shock. This proved that lighting was powered by the same force as carpets, but it also damaged Franklins brain so severely that he started speaking only in incomprehensible maxims, such as "A penny saved is a penny earned." Eventually he had to be given a job running the post office.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Amazing Electronic Fact: If you scuffed your feet long enough without touching anything, you would build up so many electrons that your finger would explode! But this is nothing to worry about unless you have carpeting.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective employees be honest and hardworking. It has even stopped hoping for employees who are educated enough that they can tell the difference between the mens room and the womens room without having little pictures on the doors.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('An excellence-oriented 80s male does not wear a regular watch. He wears a Rolex watch, because it weighs nearly six pounds and is advertised only in excellence-oriented publications such as Fortune and Rich Protestant Golfer Magazine. The advertisements are written in incomplete sentences, which is how advertising copywriters denote excellence: The Rolex Hyperion. An elegant new standard in quality excellence and discriminating handcraftsmanship. For the individual who is truly able to discriminate with regard to excellent quality standards of crafting things by hand. Fabricated of 100 percent 24-karat gold. No watch parts or anything. Just a great big chunk on your wrist. Truly a timeless statement. For the individual who is very secure. Who doesnt need to be reminded all the time that he is very successful. Much more successful than the people who laughed at him in high school. Because of his acne. People who are probably nowhere near as successful as he is now. Maybe hell go tohis 20th reunion, and theyll see his Rolex Hyperion. Hahahahahahahahaha.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('And so, men, we can see that human skin is an even more complex and fascinating organ than we thought it was, and if we want to keep it looking good, we have to care for it as though it were our own. One approach is to undergo a painful surgical procedure wherein your skin is turned inside-out, so the young cells are on the outside, but then of course you have the unpleasant side effect that your insides gradually fill up with dead old cells and you explode. So this procedure is pretty much limited to top Hollywood stars for whom youthful beauty is a career necessity, such as Elizabeth Taylor and Orson Welles.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but televisions message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth and fresher breath.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('As a professional humorist, I often get letters from readers who are interested in the basic nature of humour. "What kind of a sick perverted disgusting person are you," these letters typically ask, "that you make jokes about setting fire to a goat?" ...','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('As you know, birds do not have sexual organs because they would interfere with flight. [In fact, this was the big breakthrough for the Wright Brothers. They were watching birds one day, trying to figure out how to get their crude machine to fly, when suddenly it dawned on Wilbur. "Orville," he said, "all we have to do is remove the sexual organs!" You should have seen their original design.] As a result, birds are very, very difficult to arouse sexually. You almost never see an aroused bird. So when they want to reproduce, birds fly up and stand on telephone lines, where they monitor telephone conversations with their feet. When they find a conversation in which people are talking dirty, they grip the line very tightly until they are both highly aroused, at which point the female gets pregnant.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Besides the device, the box should contain: * Eight little rectangular snippets of paper that say "WARNING". * A plastic packet containing four 5/17 inch pilfer grommets and two club-ended 6/93 inch boxcar prawns. YOU WILL NEED TO SUPPLY: a matrix wrench and 60,000 feet of tram cable. IF ANYTHING IS DAMAGED OR MISSING: You IMMEDIATELY should turn to your spouse and say: "Margaret, you know why this country cant make a car that can get all the way through the drive-through at Burger King without a major transmission overhaul? Because nobody cares, thats why." WARNING: This is assuming your spouses name is Margaret.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('But the greatest Electrical Pioneer of them all was Thomas Edison, who was a brilliant inventor despite the fact that he had little formal education and lived in New Jersey. Edisons first major invention in 1877, was the phonograph, which could soon be found in thousands of American homes, where it basically sat until 1923, when the record was invented. But Edisons greatest achievement came in 1879, when he invented the electric company. Edisons design was a brilliant adaptation of the simple electrical circuit: the electric company sends electricity through a wire to a customer, then immediately gets the electricity back through another wire, then (this is the brilliant part) sends it right back to the customer again. This means that an electric company can sell a customer the same batch of electricity thousands of times a day and never get caught, since very few customers take the time to examine their electricity closely. In fact the last year any new electricity was generated in the United States was 1937; the electric companies have been merely re-selling it ever since, which is why they have so much free time to apply for rate increases.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Congratulations! You have purchased an extremely fine device that would give you thousands of years of trouble-free service, except that you undoubtedly will destroy it via some typical bonehead consumer manoeuvre. Which is why we ask you to PLEASE FOR GODS SAKE READ THIS OWNERS MANUAL CAREFULLY BEFORE YOU UNPACK THE DEVICE. YOU ALREADY UNPACKED IT, DIDNT YOU? YOU UNPACKED IT AND PLUGGED IT IN AND TURNED IT ON AND FIDDLED WITH THE KNOBS, AND NOW YOUR CHILD, THE SAME CHILD WHO ONCE SHOVED A POLISH SAUSAGE INTO YOUR VIDEOCASSETTE RECORDER AND SET IT ON "FAST FORWARD", THIS CHILD ALSO IS FIDDLING WITH THE KNOBS, RIGHT? AND YOURE JUST NOW STARTING TO READ THE INSTRUCTIONS, RIGHT??? WE MIGHT AS WELL JUST BREAK THESE DEVICES RIGHT AT THE FACTORY BEFORE WE SHIP THEM OUT, YOU KNOW THAT?','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Dear Mister Language Person: I am curious about the expression, "Part of this complete breakfast". The way it comes up is, my 5-year-old will be watching TV cartoon shows in the morning, and theyll show a commercial for a childrens compressed breakfast compound such as "Froot Loops" or "Lucky Charms", and they always show it sitting on a table next to some actual food such as eggs, and the announcer always says: "Part of this complete breakfast". Dont that really mean, "Adjacent to this complete breakfast", or "On the same table as this complete breakfast"? And couldnt they make essentially the same claim if, instead of Froot Loops, they put a can of shaving cream there, or a dead bat? Answer: Yes.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Dear Mister Language Person: What is the purpose of the apostrophe? Answer: The apostrophe is used mainly in hand-lettered small business signs to alert the reader than an "S" is coming up at the end of a word, as in: WE DO NOT EXCEPT PERSONAL CHECKS, or: NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY ITEMS. Another important grammar concept to bear in mind when creating hand- lettered small-business signs is that you should put quotation marks around random words for decoration, as in "TRY" OUR HOT DOGS, or even TRY "OUR" HOT DOGS.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles, called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking. Electrons travel at the speed of light, which in most American homes is 110 volts per hour. This is very fast. In the time it has taken you to read this sentence so far, an electron could have travelled all the way from San Francisco to Hackensack, New Jersey, although God alone knows why it would want to. The five main kinds of electricity are alternating current, direct current, lightning, static, and European. Most American homes have alternating current, which means that the electricity goes in one direction for a while, then goes in the other direction. This prevents harmful electron buildup in the wires.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Ever since prehistoric times, wise men have tried to understand what, exactly, make people laugh. Thats why they were called "wise men." All the other prehistoric people were out puncturing each other with spears, and the wise men were back in the cave saying: "How about: Would you please take my wife? No. How about: Here is my wife, please take her right now. No How about: Would you like to take something? My wife is available. No. How about ..."','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Excellence is THE trend of the 80s. Walk into any shopping mall bookstore, go to the rack where they keep the best-sellers such as "Garfield Gets Spayed", and youll see a half-dozen books telling you how to be excellent: "In Search of Excellence", "Finding Excellence", "Grasping Hold of Excellence", "Where to Hide Your Excellence at Night So the Cleaning Personnel Dont Steal It", etc.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('First, a few words about tools. Basically, a tool is an object that enables you to take advantage of the laws of physics and mechanics in such a way that you can seriously injure yourself. Today, people tend to take tools for granted. If youre ever walking down the street and you notice some people who look particularly smug, the odds are that they are taking tools for granted. If I were you, Id walk right up and smack them in the face.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('For my son, Robert, this is proving to be the high-point of his entire life to date. He has had his pyjamas on for two, maybe three days now. He has the sense of joyful independence a 5-year-old child gets when he suddenly realizes that he could be operating an acetylene torch in the coat closet and neither parent [because of the flu] would have the strength to object. He has been foraging for his own food, which means his diet consists entirely of "food" substances which are advertised only on Saturday-morning cartoon shows; substances that are the colour of jukebox lights and that, for legal reasons, have their names spelled wrong, as in New Creamy Chok-n-Cheez Lumps o Froot ("part of this complete breakfast").','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Gifts for Children ... This is easy. You never have to figure out what to get for children, because they will tell you exactly what they want. They spend months and months researching these kinds of things by watching Saturday- morning cartoon-show advertisements. Make sure you get your children exactly what they ask for, even if you disapprove of their choices. If your child thinks he wants Murderous Bob, the Doll with the Face You Can Rip Right Off, youd better get it. You may be worried that it might help to encourage your childs antisocial tendencies, but believe me, you have not seen antisocial tendencies until youve seen a child who is convinced that he or she did not get the right gift.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Gifts for Men ... Men are amused by almost any idiot thing ... that is why professional ice hockey is so popular ... so buying gifts for them is easy. But you should never buy them clothes. Men believe they already have all the clothes they will ever need, and new ones make them nervous. For example, your average man has 84 ties, but he wears, at most, only three of them. He has learned, through humiliating trial and error, that if he wears any of the other 81 ties, his wife will probably laugh at him ("Youre not going to wear THAT tie with that suit, are you?"). So he has narrowed it down to three safe ties, and has gone several years without being laughed at. If you give him a new tie, he will pretend to like it, but deep inside he will hate you. If you want to give a man something practical, consider tires. More than once, I would have gladly traded all the gifts I got for a new set of tires.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Harry is heavily into camping, and every year in the late fall, he makes us all go to Assateague, which is an island on the Atlantic Ocean famous for its wild horses. I realize that the concept of wild horses probably stirs romantic notions in many of you, but this is because you have never met any wild horses in person. In person, they are like enormous hoofed rats. They amble up to your camp site, and their attitude is: "Were wild horses. Were going to eat your food, knock down your tent and poop on your shoes. Were protected by federal law, just like Richard Nixon."','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Have you ever wondered what makes Californians so calm? Besides drugs, I mean. The answer is hot tubs. A hot tub is a redwood container filled with water that you sit in naked with members of the opposite sex, none of whom is necessarily your spouse. After a few hours in their hot tubs, Californians dont give a damn about earthquakes or mass murderers. They dont give a damn about anything , which is why they are able to produce "Laverne and Shirley" week after week.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Here is a simple experiment that will teach you an important electrical lesson: On a cool, dry day, scuff your feet along a carpet, then reach your hand into a friends mouth and touch one of his dental fillings. Did you notice how your friend twitched violently and cried out in pain? This teaches us that electricity can be a very powerful force, but we must never use it to hurt others unless we need to learn an important electrical lesson. It also teaches us how an electrical circuit works. When you scuffed your feet, you picked up batches of "electrons", which are very small objects that carpet manufacturers weave into carpets so they will attract dirt. The electrons travel through your bloodstream and collect in your finger, where they form a spark that leaps to your friends filling, then travels down to his feet and back into the carpet, thus completing the circuit.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Hi, Im Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet. As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney. Do you have a car or a job? Do you ever walk around? If so, you probably have the makings of an excellent legal case. Although of course every case is different, I would definitely say that based on my experience and training, theres no reason why you shouldnt come out of this thing with at least a cabin cruiser. Remember, at the Preston A. Mantis Consumers Retail Law Outlet, our motto is: It is very difficult to disprove certain kinds of pain.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Home centres are designed for the do-it-yourselfer whos willing to pay higher prices for the convenience of being able to shop for lumber, hardware, and toasters all in one location. Notice I say "shop for", as opposed to "obtain". This is the major drawback of home centres: they are always out of everything except artificial Christmas trees. The home centre employees have no time to reorder merchandise because they are too busy applying little price stickers to every object ... every board, washer, nail and screw ... in the entire store ... Lets say a piece in your toilet tank breaks, so you remove the broken part, take it to the home centre, and ask an employee if he has a replacement. The employee, who has never is his life even seen the inside of a toilet tank, will peer at the broken part in very much the same way that a member of a primitive Amazon jungle tribe would look at an electronic calculator, and then say, "Were expecting a shipment of these sometime around the middle of next week".','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('How many hors doeuvres you are allowed to take off a tray being carried by a waiter at a nice party? Two, but there are ways around it, depending on the style of the hors doeuvre. If theyre those little pastry things where you cant tell whats inside, you take one, bite off about two-thirds of it, then say: "This is cheese! I hate cheese!" Then you put the rest of it back on the tray and bite another one and go, "Darn it! Another cheese!" and so on.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they dont even invite me.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I cannot overemphasize the importance of good grammar. What a crock. I could easily overemphasize the importance of good grammar. For example, I could say: "Bad grammar is the leading cause of slow, painful death in North America," or "Without good grammar, the United States would have lost World War II."','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I disapprove of the F-word, not because its dirty, but because we use it as a substitute for thoughtful insults, and it frequently leads to violence. What we ought to do, when we anger each other, say, in traffic, is exchange phone numbers, so that later on, when weve had time to think of witty and learned insults or look them up in the library, we could call each other up: You: Hello? Bob? Bob: Yes? You: This is Ed. Remember? The person whose parking space you took last Thursday? Outside of Sears? Bob: Oh yes! Sure! How are you, Ed? You: Fine, thanks. Listen, Bob, the reason Im calling is: "Madam, you may be drunk, but I am ugly, and ..." No, wait. I mean: "you may be ugly, but I am Winston Churchill and ..." No, wait. (Sound of reference book thudding onto the floor.) S-word. Excuse me. Look, Bob, Im going to have to get back to you. Bob: Fine.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I dont want to alarm anybody, but there is an excellent chance that the Earth will be destroyed in the next several days. Congress is thinking about eliminating a federal program under which scientists broadcast signals to alien beings. This would be a large mistake. Alien beings have nuclear blaster death cannons. You cannot cut off their federal programs as if they were merely poor people ...','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules, including: * Both of your socks should always be the same colour * Or they should at least both be fairly dark.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I have come up with a sure-fire concept for a hit television show, which would be called `A Live Celebrity Gets Eaten by a Shark.','Davy Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I played lead guitar in a band called The Federal Duck, which is the kind of name that was popular in the 60s as a result of controlled substances being in widespread use. Back then, there were no restrictions, in terms of talent, on who could make an album, so we made one, and it sounds like a group of people who have been given powerful but unfamiliar instruments as a therapy for a degenerative nerve disease.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I realize that Im generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I dont care.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I realize that the MX missile is none of our concern. I realize that the whole point of living in a democracy is that we pay professional congresspersons to concern themselves with things like the MX missile so we can be free to concern ourselves with getting hold of the plumber. But from time to time, I feel I must address major public issues such as this, because in a free and open society, where the very future of the world hinges on decisions made by our elected leaders, you never win large cash journalism awards if you stick to the topics I usually write about, such as nose-picking.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I suggest you locate your hot tub outside your house, so it wont do too much damage if it catches fire or explodes. First you decide which direction your hot tub should face for maximum solar energy. After much trial and error, I have found that the best direction for a hot tub to face is up.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I think we can all agree that there is not enough common courtesy shown ... HEY! PAY ATTENTION WHEN IM TALKING TO YOU DAMMIT! I said I think we can all agree that there is not enough common courtesy shown today. When we take the time to be courteous to each other, we find that we are happier and less likely to engage in nuclear war. This point was driven home by the recent summit talks, where Nancy Reagan and Raisa Gorbachev, each of whose husband thinks the others husband is vermin, were able to sit down at a high-level tea and engage in courteous conversation ...','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infants life, she will choose to save the infants life without even considering if there are men on base.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If youre like most homeowners, youre afraid that many repairs around your home are too difficult to tackle. So, when your furnace explodes, you call in a so-called professional to fix it. The "professional" arrives in a truck with lettering on the sides and deposits a large quantity of tools and two assistants who spend the better part of the week in your basement whacking objects at random with heavy wrenches, after which the "professional" returns and gives you a bill for slightly more money than it would cost you to run a successful campaign for the U.S. Senate. And thats why youve decided to start doing things yourself. You figure, "If those guys can fix my furnace, then so can I. How difficult can it be?" Very difficult. In fact, most home projects are impossible, which is why you should do them yourself. There is no point in paying other people to screw things up when you can easily screw them up yourself for far less money. This article can help you.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('In America today ... we have Woody Allen, whose humour has become so sophisticated that nobody gets it any more except Mia Farrow. All those who think Mia Farrow should go back to making movies where the devil gets her pregnant and Woody Allen should go back to dressing up as a human sperm, please raise your hands. Thank you.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('In New York, tip the taxicab driver $40 if he does not mention his haemorrhoids.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('In the past decade or so, the womens magazines have taken to running home-handyperson articles suggesting that women can learn to fix things just as well as men. These articles are apparently based on the ludicrous assumption that _men_ know how to fix things, when in fact all they know how to do is _look_ at things in a certain squinty-eyed manner, which they learned in Wood Shop; eventually, when enough things in the home are broken, they take a job requiring them to transfer to another home.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Kids have never taken guidance from their parents. If you could travel back in time and observe the original primate family in the original tree, you would see the primate parents yelling at the primate teenager for sitting around and sulking all day instead of hunting for grubs and berries like dad primate. Then youd see the primate teenager stomp up to his branch and slam the leaves.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Lassie looked brilliant, in part because the farm family she lived with was made up of idiots. Remember? One of them was always getting pinned under the tractor, and Lassie was always rushing back to the farmhouse to alert the other ones. Shed whimper and tug at their sleeves, and theyd always waste precious minutes saying things: "Do you think somethings wrong? Do you think she wants us to follow her? What is it, girl?", etc., as if this had never happened before, instead of every week. What with all the time these people spent pinned under the tractor, I dont see how they managed to grow any crops whatsoever. They probably got by on federal crop supports, which Lassie filed the applications for.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Lets say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions section that says you should never never never ever stick you hand into the toaster, the statement "Not even if your wedding ring falls in there". * The store where you bought the toaster, for selling it to an obvious cretin like yourself. * Union Carbide Corporation, which is not directly responsible in this case, but which is feeling so guilty that it would probably send you a large cash settlement anyway.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Lets talk about how to fill out your 1984 tax return. Heres an often overlooked accounting technique that can save you thousands of dollars: For several days before you put it in the mail, carry your tax return around under your armpit. No IRS agent is going to want to spend hours poring over a sweat-stained document. So even if you owe money, you can put in for an enormous refund and the agent will probably give it to you, just to avoid an audit. What does he care? Its not his money.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Mankinds yearning to engage in sports is older than recorded history, dating back to the time millions of years ago, when the first primitive man picked up a crude club and a round rock, tossed the rock into the air, and whomped the club into the sloping forehead of the first primitive umpire. What inner force drove this first athlete? Your guess is as good as mine. Better, probably, because you havent had four beers.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large organizations habitually engage in only because they cannot actually masturbate.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Mens skin is different from womens skin. It is usually bigger, and it has more snakes tattooed on it. Also, if you examine a womans skin very closely, inch by inch, starting at her shapely ankles, then gently tracing the slender curve of her calves, then moving up to her ... [EDITORS NOTE: To make room for news articles about important world events such as agriculture, were going to delete the next few square feet of the womans skin. Thank you.] ... until finally the two of you are lying there, spent, smoking your cigarettes, and suddenly it hits you: Human skin is actually made up of billions of tiny units of protoplasm, called "cells"! And what is even more interesting, the ones on the outside are all dying! This is a fact. Your skin is like an aggressive modern corporation, where the older veteran cells, who have finally worked their way to the top and obtained offices with nice views, are constantly being shoved out the window head first, without so much as a pension plan, by younger hotshot cells moving up from below.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Most fish live underwater, which is a terrible place to have sex because virtually anywhere you lie down there will be stinging crabs and large quantities of little fish staring at you with buggy little eyes. So generally when two fish want to have sex, they swim around and around for hours, looking for someplace to go, until finally the female gets really tired and has a terrible headache, and she just dumps her eggs right on the sand and swims away. Then the male, driven by some timeless, noble instinct for survival, eats the eggs. So the truth is that fish dont reproduce at all, but there are so many of them that it doesnt make any difference.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Most married couples, even though they love each other very much in theory, tend to view each other in practice as large teeming flaw colonies, the result being that they get on each others nerves and regularly erupt into vicious emotional shouting matches over such issues as toaster settings.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('My band career ended late in my senior year when John Cooper and I threw my amplifier out the dormitory window. We did not act in haste. First we checked to make sure the amplifier would fit through the frame, using the belt from my bathrobe to measure, then we picked up the amplifier and backed up to my bedroom door. Then we rushed forward, shouting "The WHO! The WHO!" and we launched my amplifier perfectly, as though we had been doing it all our lives, clean through the window and down onto the sidewalk, where a small but appreciative crowd had gathered. I would like to be able to say that this was a symbolic act, an effort on my part to break cleanly away from one state in my life and move on to another, but the truth is, Cooper and I really just wanted to find out what it would sound like. It sounded OK.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Now, you might ask, "How do I get one of those complete home tool sets for under $4?" An excellent question. Go to one of those really cheap discount stores where they sell plastic furniture in colours visible from the planet Neptune and where they have a food section specializing in cardboard cartons full of Raisinets and malted milk balls manufactured during the Nixon administration. In either the hardware or housewares department, youll find an item imported from an obscure Oriental country and described as "Nine Tools in One", consisting of a little handle with interchangeable ends representing inscrutable Oriental notions of tools that Americans might use around the home. Buy it. This is the kind of tool set professionals use. Not only is it inexpensive, but it also has a great safety feature not found in the so-called quality tools sets: The handle will actually break right off if you accidentally hit yourself or anything else, or expose it to direct sunlight.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it "Christmas" and went to church; the Jews called it "Hanukka" and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say "Merry Christmas!" or "Happy Hanukka!" or (to the atheists) "Look out for the wall!"','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('One promising concept that I came up with right away was that you could manufacture personal air bags, then get a law passed requiring that they be installed on congressmen to keep them from taking trips. Lets say your congressman was trying to travel to Paris to do a fact-finding study on how the French government handles diseases transmitted by sherbet. Just when he got to the plane, his mandatory air bag, strapped around his waist, would inflate ... FWWAAAAAAPPPP ... thus rendering him too large to fit through the plane door. It could also be rigged to inflate whenever the congressman proposed a law. ("Mr. Speaker, people ask me, why should October be designated as Cuticle Inspection Month? And I answer that FWWAAAAAAPPPP.") This would save millions of dollars, so I have no doubt that the public would violently support a law requiring airbags on congressmen. The problem is that your potential market is very small: there are only around 500 members of Congress, and some of them, such as House Speaker "Tip" ONeil, are already too large to fit on normal aircraft.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Plumbing is one of the easier of do-it-yourself activities, requiring only a few simple tools and a willingness to stick your arm into a clogged toilet. In fact, you can solve many home plumbing problems, such as annoying faucet drip, merely by turning up the radio. But before we get into specific techniques, lets look at how plumbing works. A plumbing system is very much like your electrical system, except that instead of electricity, it has water, and instead of wires, it has pipes, and instead of radios and waffle irons, it has faucets and toilets. So the truth is that your plumbing systems is nothing at all like your electrical system, which is good, because electricity can kill you.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Probably the question asked most often is: Do one-celled animals have orgasms? The answer is yes, they have orgasms almost constantly, which is why they dont mind living in pools of warm slime.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Puns are little "plays on words" that a certain breed of person loves to spring on you and then look at you in a certain self-satisfied way to indicate that he thinks that you must think that he is by far the cleverest person on Earth now that Benjamin Franklin is dead, when in fact what you are thinking is that if this person ever ends up in a lifeboat, the other passengers will hurl him overboard by the end of the first day even if they have plenty of food and water.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Rembrandts first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Reporter: Senator, are you for or against the MX missile system? SENATOR: Bob, the MX missile system reminds me of an old saying that the country folk in my state like to say. It goes like this: "You can carry a pig for six miles, but if you set it down it might run away." I have no idea why the country folk say this. Maybe theres some kind of chemical pollutant in their drinking water. That is why I pledge to do all that I can to protect the environment of this great nation of ours, and put prayer back in the schools, where it belongs. What we need is jobs, not empty promises. I realize Im risking my political career be being so outspoken on a sensitive issue such as the MX, but thats just the kind of straight-talking honest person I am, and I cant help it.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Several years ago, some smart businessmen had an idea: Why not build a big store where a do-it-yourselfer could get everything he needed at reasonable prices? Then they decided, nah, the hell with that, lets build a home centre. And before long home centres were springing up like crabgrass all over the United States.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('So as your consumer electronics adviser, I am advising you to donate your current VCR to a grate resident, who will laugh sardonically and hurl it into a dumpster. Then I want you to go out and purchase a vast array of 8-millimeter video equipment. ... OK! Got everything? Well, *too bad, sucker*, because while you were gone the electronics industry came up with an even newer format that makes your 8-millimeter VCR look as technologically advanced as toenail dirt. This format is called "3.5 hectare" and it will not be made available until it is outmoded, sometime early next week, by a format called "Elroy", so *order yours now*.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('So Richard and I decided to try to catch [the small shark]. With a great deal of strategy and effort and shouting, we managed to manoeuvre the shark, over the course of about a half-hour, to a sort of corner of the lagoon, so that it had no way to escape other than to flop up onto the land and evolve. Richard and I were inching toward it, sort of crouched over, when all of a sudden it turned around and ... I can still remember the sensation I felt at that moment, primarily in the armpit area ... headed right straight toward us. Many people would have panicked at this point. But Richard and I were not "many people." We were experienced waders, and we kept our heads. We did exactly what the textbook says you should do when youre unarmed and a shark that is nearly two feet long turns on you in water up to your lower calves: We sprinted I would say 600 yards in the opposite direction, using a sprinting style such that the bottoms of our feet never once went below the surface of the water. We ran all the way to the far shore, and if we had been in a Warner Brothers cartoon we would have run right INTO the beach, and you would have seen these two mounds of sand racing across the island until they bonked into trees and coconuts fell onto their heads.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Some of you ... may have decided that, this year, youre going to celebrate it the old-fashioned way, with your family sitting around stringing cranberries and exchanging humble, handmade gifts, like on "The Waltons". Well, you can forget it. If everybody pulled that kind of subversive stunt, the economy would collapse overnight. The government would have to intervene: it would form a cabinet-level Department of Holiday Gift-Giving, which would spend billions and billions of tax dollars to buy Barbie dolls and electronic games, which it would drop on the populace from Air Force jets, killing and maiming thousands. So, for the good of the nation, you should go along with the Holiday Program. This means you should get a large sum of money and go to a mall.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Take the folks at Coca-Cola. For many years, they were content to sit back and make the same old carbonated beverage. It was a good beverage, no question about it; generations of people had grown up drinking it and doing the experiment in sixth grade where you put a nail into a glass of Coke and after a couple of days the nail dissolves and the teacher says: "Imagine what it does to your TEETH!" So Coca-Cola was solidly entrenched in the market, and the management saw no need to improve ...','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The basic idea behind malls is that they are more convenient than cities. Cities contain streets, which are dangerous and crowded and difficult to park in. Malls, on the other hand, have parking lots, which are also dangerous and crowded and difficult to park in, but ... here is the big difference ... in mall parking lots, THERE ARE NO RULES. Youre allowed to do anything. You can drive as fast as you want in any direction you want. I was once driving in a mall parking lot when my car was struck by a pickup truck being driven backward by a squat man with a tattoo that said "Charlie" on his forearm, who got out and explained to me, in great detail, why the accident was my fault, his reasoning being that he was violent and muscular, whereas I was neither. This kind of reasoning is legally valid in mall parking lots.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The basic menu item, in fact the ONLY menu item, would be a food unit called the "patty," consisting of ... this would be guaranteed in writing ... "100 percent animal matter of some kind." All patties would be heated up and then cooled back down in electronic devices immediately before serving. The Breakfast Patty would be a patty on a bun with lettuce, tomato, onion, egg, Ba-Ko-Bits, Cheez Whiz, a Special Sauce made by pouring ketchup out of a bottle and a little slip of paper stating: "Inspected by Number 12". The Lunch or Dinner Patty would be any Breakfast Patties that didnt get sold in the morning. The Seafood Lovers Patty would be any patties that were starting to emit a serious aroma. Patties that were too rank even to be Seafood Lovers Patties would be compressed into wads and sold as "Nuggets."','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The human race has been fascinated by sharks for as long as I can remember. Just like the bluebird feeding its young, or the spider struggling to weave its perfect web, or the buttercup blooming in spring, the shark reveals to us yet another of the infinite and wonderful facets of nature, namely the facet that it can bite your head off. This causes us humans to feel a certain degree of awe.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The idea there was that consumers would bring their broken electronic devices, such as television sets and VCRs, to the destruction centres, where trained personnel would whack them (the devices) with sledgehammers. With their devices thus permanently destroyed, consumers would then be free to go out and buy new devices, rather than have to fritter away years of their lives trying to have the old ones repaired at so-called "factory service centres," which in fact consist of two men named Lester poking at the insides of broken electronic devices with cheap cigars and going, "Lookit all them WIRES in there!"','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The IRS spends God knows how much of your tax money on these toll-free information hot lines staffed by IRS employees, whose idea of a dynamite tax tip is that you should print neatly. If you ask them a real tax question, such as how you can cheat, theyre useless. So, for guidance, you want to look to big business. Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes...','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The primary cause of failure in electrical appliances is an expired warranty. Often, you can get an appliance running again simply by changing the warranty expiration date with a 15/64-inch felt-tipped marker.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The problem ... is that we have run out of dinosaurs to form oil with. Scientists working for the Department of Energy have tried to form oil using other animals; theyve piled thousands of tons of sand and Middle Eastern countries on top of cows, raccoons, haddock, laboratory rats, etc., but so far all they have managed to do is run up an enormous bulldozer-rental bill and anger a lot of Middle Eastern persons. None of the animals turned into oil, although most of the laboratory rats developed cancer.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The question is, why are politicians so eager to be president? What is it about the job that makes it worth revealing, on national television, that you have the ethical standards of a slime-coated piece of industrial waste?','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The reason its called "Grape Nuts" is that it contains "dextrose", which is also sometimes called "grape sugar", and also because "Grape Nuts" is catchier, in terms of marketing, than "A Cross Between Gerbil Food and Gravel", which is what it tastes like.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The Three Major Kind of Tools: * Tools for hitting things to make them loose or to tighten them up or jar their many complex, sophisticated electrical parts in such a manner that they function perfectly. (These are your hammers, maces, bludgeons, and truncheons.) * Tools that, if dropped properly, can penetrate your foot. (Awls) * Tools that nobody should ever use because the potential danger is far greater than the value of any project that could possibly result. (Power saws, power drills, power staplers, any kind of tool that uses any kind of power more advanced than flashlight batteries.)','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('There are two kinds of solar-heat systems: "passive" systems collect the sunlight that hits your home, and "active" systems collect the sunlight that hits your neighbours homes, too.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('These childhood memories - I have them often, but can usually keep them under control with the use of drugs.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because the Reagan administration, as part of the same policy under which it recently sold Yellowstone National Park to Wayne Newton, has "deregulated" the airline industry. What this means for you, the consumer, is that the airlines are no longer required to follow any rules whatsoever. They can show snuff movies. They can charge for oxygen. They can hire pilots right out of Vending Machine Refill Person School. They can conserve fuel by ejecting husky passengers over water. They can ram competing planes in mid-air. These innovations have resulted in tremendous cost savings which have been passed along to you, the consumer, in the form of flights with amazingly low fares, such as $29. Of course, certain restrictions do apply, the main one being that all these flights take you to Newark, and you must pay thousands of dollars if you want to fly back out.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimetre bullet.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('To understand this important story, you have to understand how the telephone company works. Your telephone is connected to a local computer, which is in turn connected to a regional computer, which is in turn connected to a loudspeaker the size of a garbage truck on the lawn of Edna A. Bargewater of Lawrence, Kan. Whenever you talk on the phone, your local computer listens in. If it suspects youre going to discuss an intimate topic, it notifies the computer above it, which listens in and decides whether to alert the one above it, until finally, if you really humiliate yourself, maybe break down in tears and tell your closest friend about a sordid incident from your past involving a seedy motel, a neighbours spouse, an entire religious order, a garden hose and six quarts of tapioca pudding, the top computer feeds your conversation into Ednas loudspeaker, and she and her friends come out on the porch to listen and drink gin and laugh themselves silly.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Todays scientific question is: What in the world is electricity? And where does it go after it leaves the toaster?','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Today, of course, it is considered very poor taste to use the F-word except in major motion pictures.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('User: The word computer professionals use when they mean "idiot."','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('We have the flu. I dont know if this particular strain has an official name, but if it does, it must be something like "Martian Death Flu". You may have had it yourself. The main symptom is that you wish you had another setting on your electric blanket, up past "HIGH", that said "ELECTROCUTION". Another symptom is that you cease brushing your teeth, because (a) your teeth hurt, and (b) you lack the strength. Midway through the brushing process, youd have to lie down in front of the sink to rest for a couple of hours, and rivulets of toothpaste foam would dribble sideways out of your mouth, eventually hardening into crusty little toothpaste stalagmites that would bond your head permanently to the bathroom floor, which is how the police would find you. You know the kind of flu Im talking about.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('We ought to be very grateful that we have tools. Millions of years ago people did not have them, and home projects were extremely difficult. For example, when a primitive person wanted to put up panelling, he had to drive the little panelling nails into the cave wall with his bare fist, so generally the panelling wound up getting spattered with primitive blood, which isnt really all that bad when you consider how ugly panelling is to begin with.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Were deep into the holiday gift-giving season, as you can tell from the fact that everywhere you look, you see jolly old St. Nick urging you to purchase things, to the point where you want to slug him right in his bowl full of jelly.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Well, here it is, 1983, so it wont be long before you start reading a lot of boring stories about people like Vance Hartke. Hartke is a governor or mayor or something from one of the flatter states, and the reason youll be reading about him is that hes one of the 50 top contenders for the 1984 Democratic presidential nomination. These men will spend the next 18 months going around the country engaging in the most degrading activities imaginable, such as wearing idiot hats and appearing on "Meet the Press". "Meet the Press" is one of those Sunday morning public interest shows that the public is not the least bit interested in. It features a panel of reporters who ask questions of a guest politician, who wins an Amana home freezer if he can get through the entire show without answering a single question ...','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('What I do, first thing [in the morning], is I hop into the shower stall. Then I hop right back out, because when I hopped in I landed barefoot right on top of See Threepio, a little plastic robot character from "Star Wars" whom my son, Robert, likes to pull the legs off of while he showers. Then I hop right back into the stall because our dog, Earnest, who has been alone in the basement all night building up powerful dog emotions, has come bounding and quivering into the bathroom and wants to greet me with 60 or 70 thousand playful nips, any one of which ... bear in mind that I am naked and, without my contact lenses, essentially blind ... could result in the kind of injury where you have to learn a whole new part if you want to sing the "Messiah", if you get my drift. Then I hop right back out, because Robert, with that uncanny sixth sense some children have ... you cannot teach it; they either have it or they dont ... has chosen exactly that moment to flush one of the toilets. Perhaps several of them.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('What I think is that the F-word is basically just a convenient nasty- sounding word that we tend to use when we would really like to come up with a terrifically witty insult, the kind Winston Churchill always came up with when enormous women asked him stupid questions at parties.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('What we need in this country, instead of Daylight Savings Time, which nobody really understands anyway, is a new concept called Weekday Morning Time, whereby at 7 a.m. every weekday we go into a space- launch-style "hold" for two to three hours, during which it just remains 7 a.m. This way we could all wake up via a civilized gradual process of stretching and belching and scratching, and it would still be only 7 a.m. when we were ready to actually emerge from bed.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Why not have an old-fashioned Christmas for your family this year? Just picture the scene in your living room on Christmas morning as your children open their old-fashioned presents. Your 11-year-old son: "What the heck is this?" You: "A spinning top! You spin it around, and then eventually it falls down. What fun! Ha, ha!" Son: "Is this a joke? Jason Thompsons parents got him a computer with two disk drives and 128 kilobytes of random-access memory, and I get this cretin TOP?" Your 8-year-old daughter: "You think thats bad? Look at this." You: "Its figgy pudding! What a treat!" Daughter: "It looks like goat barf."','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Wood heat is not new. It dates back to a day millions of years ago, when a group of cavemen were sitting around, watching dinosaurs rot. Suddenly, lightning struck a nearby log and set it on fire. One of the cavemen stared at the fire for a few minutes, then said: "Hey! Wood heat!" The other cavemen, who did not understand English, immediately beat him to death with stones. But the key discovery had been made, and from that day forward, the cavemen had all the heat they needed, although their insurance rates went way up.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Wood is highly ecological, since trees are a renewable resource. If you cut down a tree, another will grow in its place. And if you cut down the new tree, still another will grow. And if you cut down that tree, yet another will grow, only this one will be a mutation with long, poisonous tentacles and revenge in its heart, and it will sit there in the forest, cackling and making elaborate plans for when you come back.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('You can always tell the Christmas season is here when you start getting incredibly dense, tinfoil-and-ribbon- wrapped lumps in the mail. Fruitcakes make ideal gifts because the Postal Service has been unable to find a way to damage them. They last forever, largely because nobody ever eats them. In fact, many smart people save the fruitcakes they receive and send them back to the original givers the next year; some fruitcakes have been passed back and forth for hundreds of years. The easiest way to make a fruitcake is to buy a darkish cake, then pound some old, hard fruit into it with a mallet. Be sure to wear safety glasses.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('You can say any fool thing to a dog, and the dog will give you this look that says, `My God, youre RIGHT! I NEVER wouldve thought of that!','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('You first have to decide whether to use the short or the long form. The short form is what the Internal Revenue Service calls "simplified", which means it is designed for people who need the help of a Sears tax-preparation expert to distinguish between their first and last names. Heres the complete text: (1) How much did you make? (AMOUNT). (2) How much did we here at the government take out? (AMOUNT). (3) Hey! Sounds like we took too much! So were going to send an official government check for (ONE-FIFTEENTH OF THE AMOUNT WE TOOK) directly to the (YOUR LAST NAME) household at (YOUR ADDRESS), for you to spend in any way you please! Which just goes to show you, (YOUR FIRST NAME), that it pays to file the short form! The IRS wants you to use this form because it gets to keep most of your money. So unless you have pond silt for brains, you want the long form.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('You men out there probably think you already know how to dress for success. You know, for example, that you should not wear leisure suits or white plastic belts and shoes, unless you are going to a costume party disguised as a pig farmer vacationing at Disney World.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('You should not use your fireplace, because scientists now believe that, contrary to popular opinion, fireplaces actually remove heat from houses. Really, thats what scientists believe. In fact many scientists actually use their fireplaces to cool their houses in the summer. If you visit a scientists house on a sultry August day, youll find a cheerful fire roaring on the hearth and the scientist sitting nearby, remarking on how cool he is and drinking heavily.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('You should tip the waiter $10, minus $2 if he tells you his name, another $2 if he claims it will be His Pleasure to serve you and another $2 for each "special" he describes involving confusing terms such as "shallots," and $4 if the menu contains the word "fixins." In many restaurants, this means the waiter will actually owe you money. If you are travelling with a child aged six months to three years, you should leave an additional amount equal to twice the bill to compensate for the fact that they will have to take the banquette out and burn it because the cracks are wedged solid with gobbets made of partially chewed former restaurant rolls saturated with baby spit.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Your home electrical system is basically a bunch of wires that bring electricity into your home and take if back out before it has a chance to kill you. This is called a "circuit". The most common home electrical problem is when the circuit is broken by a "circuit breaker"; this causes the electricity to back up in one of the wires until it bursts out of an outlet in the form of sparks, which can damage your carpet. The best way to avoid broken circuits is to change your fuses regularly. Another common problem is that the lights flicker. This sometimes means that your electrical system is inadequate, but more often it means that your home is possessed by demons, in which case youll need to get a caulking gun and some caulking. If youre not sure whether your house is possessed, see "The Amityville Horror", a fine documentary film based on an actual book. Or call in a licensed electrician, who is trained to spot the signs of demonic possession, such as blood coming down the stairs, enormous cats on the dinette table, etc.','Dave Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If it is your time, love will track you down like a cruise missile.','Lynda Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.','Mayor Marion Barry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.','John Barrymore');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him.','Last words of John Barrymore');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Happiness sneaks through a door you didnt know that you left open.','John Barrymore');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Sex: The thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.','John Barrymore');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Faith is never identical with piety.','Karl Barth');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The best theology would need no advocates, it would prove itself.','Theologian Karl Barth');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The aim of meditating about the world is finally to change the world.','Donald Barthelme');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Without books God is silent.','Bartholin');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Maybe Computer Science should be in the College of Theology.','R S Barton');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Dont try to buy at the bottom and sell at the top. It cant be done except by liars.','Bernard Baruch');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I made my money by selling too soon.','Bernard Baruch');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Two things are bad for the heart-running up stairs and running down people.','Bernard M Baruch');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Taxation WITH representation aint so hot either.','Gerald Barzan');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Public and private food in America has become eatable, here and there extremely good. Only the fried potatoes go unchanged, as deadly as before.','Luigi Barzini');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('They eat the dainty food of famous chefs with the same pleasure with which they devour gross peasant dishes, mostly composed of garlic and tomatoes, or fishermans octopus and shrimps, fried in heavily scented olive oil on a little deserted beach.','Luigi Barzini');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Teaching is not a lost art, but the regard for it is a lost tradition.','Jacques Barzun');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it.','Baskins');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If at first you dont succeed, blame it on the teacher.','Stacey Bass');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('A government needs one hundred soldiers for every guerilla it faces.','Fulgencio Batista');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('A sweetheart is a bottle of wine, a wife is a wine bottle.','Baudelaire');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Any healthy man can go without food for two days ... but not without poetry.','Charles Baudelaire');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Belief in progress is a doctrine of idlers and Belgians.','Baudelaire');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('There is no such thing as a long piece of work, except one that you dare not start.','Charles Baudelaire');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('An ounce of mirth is worth a pound of sorrow.','Richard Baxter');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Stubbornness does have its helpful features. You always know what you are going to be thinking tomorrow.','Glen Beaman');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.','Charles A Beard');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('You need only reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating the very phrases which our founding fathers used in the struggle for independence.','Charles Austin Beard');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Where would we be without salt?','James A Beard');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If all the worlds a stage, I want to operate the trap door.','Paul Beatty');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('You are no better than you should be.','Francis Beaumont');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Tell me who admires you and loves you, and I will tell you who you are.','Charles Augustin Sainte-Beauve');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Old age is lifes parody.','Simone de Beauvoir');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Christianity is the enemy of liberty & civilization.','August Bebel');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The chemists are a strange class of mortals, impelled by an almost insane impulse to seek their pleasure among smoke and vapor, soot and flame, poisons and poverty, yet among all these evils I seem to live so sweetly, that may I die if I would change pla.','Johann Becher');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('We have only one person to blame, and thats each other.','New York Ranger Barry Beck, on who started a fight furing a hockey game');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Asking politicians to vote themselves out of power is like asking rabbits not to multiply, it aint natural.','Bob Beckel');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('No class of Americans, so far as I know, has ever objected ... to any amount of governmental meddling if it appeared to benefit that particular class.','Carl Becker');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The primary aim of all government regulation of economic life of the community should be, not to supplant the system of private economic enterprise, but to make it work.','Carl Becker');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('A musicologist is a man who can read music but cant hear it.','Sir Thomas Beecham');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Great music is that which penetrates the ear with facility and leaves the memory with difficulty. Magical music never leaves the memory.','Sir Thomas Beecham');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The English may not like music, but they absolutely love the noise it makes.','Sir Thomas Beecham');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('A noble man compares and estimates himself by an idea which is higher than himself; and a mean man, by one lower than himself. The one produces aspiration; the other ambition, which is the way in which a vulgar man aspires.','Henry Ward Beecher');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Affliction comes to us, not to make us sad but sober; not to make us sorry but wise.','Henry Ward Beecher');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Every artist dips his brush in his own soul, and paints his own nature into his pictures.','Henry Ward Beecher');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Every charitable act is a stepping stone toward heaven.','Henry Ward Beecher');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Expedients are for the hour; principles for the ages.','Henry Ward Beecher');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Hold yourself responsible for a higher standard than anybody expects of you. Never excuse yourself.','Henry Ward Beecher');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I never knew how to worship until I knew how to love.','Henry Ward Beecher');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If a man cannot be a Christian in the place where he is, he cannot be a Christian anywhere.','Henry Ward Beecher');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('In a natural state, tears and laughter go hand in hand; for they are twinborn. Like two children sleeping in one cradle, when one wakes and stirs, the other wakes also.','Beecher');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('In this world, full often, our joys are only the tender shadows which our sorrows cast.','Henry Ward Beecher');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('It is not the going out of port, but the coming in, that determines the success of a voyage.','Henry Ward Beecher');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('It is not work that kills men; it is worry. Work is healthy; you can hardly put more upon a man than he can bear. Worry is rust upon the blade. It is not the revolution that destroys the machinery, but the friction. Fear secretes acids, but love and trust are sweet juices.','Beecher');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Men will let you abuse them if only you will make them laugh.','Henry Ward Beecher');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Never forget what a man says to you when he is angry.','Henry Ward Beecher');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Now comes the mystery.','Henry Ward Beecher, on his deathbed');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Speak when youre angry and youll make the best speech youll ever regret.','Henry Ward Beecher');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The dog was created especially for children. He is the god of frolic.','Henry Ward Beecher');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The head learns new things, but the heart forever more practices old experiences.','Henry Ward Beecher');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore?','Henry Ward Beecher');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('All fantasy should have a solid base in reality.','Sir Max Beerbohm');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Incongruity is the mainspring of laughter.','Max Beerbohm');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Nobody ever died of laughter.','Max Beerbohm');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The Nonconformist conscience makes of us all.','Max Beerbohm');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('There is much to be said for failure. It is more interesting than success.','Max Beerbohm');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Women are a sex by themselves.','Beerbohm');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Friends applaud, the Comedy is over.','Last words of Ludwig van Beethoven');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Music is a higher revelation than philosophy.','Ludwig van Beethoven');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Music is the mediator between the spiritual and the sensual life.','Ludwig van Beethoven');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Never shall I forget the days I spent with you. Continue to be my friend, as you will always find me yours.','Ludwig van Beethoven');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('No one should drive a hard bargain with an artist.','Ludwig von Beethoven');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Before you put on a frown . . . make absolutely sure there are no smiles available.','Jim Beggs');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('What we say is important . . . for in most cases the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.','Jim Beggs');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Its a queer world, God knows, but the best we have to be going on with.','Brendan Behan');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.','Brendan Behan');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The most important things to do in the world are to get something to eat, something to drink and somebody to love you.','Brendan Behan');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Love ceases to be a pleasure, when it ceases to be a secret.','Aphra Behn');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('One hour of right-down love Is worth an age of dully living on.','Aphra Behn');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Concentrate all your thoughts upon the work at hand. The suns rays do not burn until brought to a focus.','Alexander Graham Bell');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.','Alexander Graham Bell');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('"Obvious" is the most dangerous word in mathematics.','Eric Temple Bell');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Euclid taught me that without assumptions there is no proof. Therefore, in any argument, examine the assumptions.','Eric Temple Bell');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Guided only by their feeling for symmetry, simplicity, and generality, and an indefinable sense of the fitness of things, creative mathematicians now, as in the past, are inspired by the art of mathematics rather than by any prospect of ultimate usefulness.','Eric Temple Bell');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I have always hated machinery, and the only machine I ever understood was a wheelbarrow, and that but imperfectly.','Eric Temple Bell');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If "Number rules the universe" as Pythagoras asserted, Number is merely our delegate to the throne, for we rule Number.','Eric Temple Bell');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If a lunatic scribbles a jumble of mathematical symbols it does not follow that the writing means anything merely because to the inexpert eye it is indistinguishable from higher mathematics.','Eric Temple Bell');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('It is the perennial youthfulness of mathematics itself which marks it off with a disconcerting immortality from the other sciences.','Eric Temple Bell');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The cowboys have a way of trussing up a steer or a pugnacious bronco which fixes the brute so that it can neither move nor think. This is the hog-tie, and it is what Euclid did to geometry.','Eric Temple Bell');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The longer mathematics lives the more abstract ... and therefore, possibly also the more practical ... it becomes.','Eric Temple Bell');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The pursuit of pretty formulas and neat theorems can no doubt quickly degenerate into a silly vice, but so can the quest for austere generalities which are so very general indeed that they are incapable of application to any particular.','Eric Temple Bell');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Wherever groups disclosed themselves, or could be introduced, simplicity crystallized out of comparative chaos.','Eric Temple Bell');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands, one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.','Francis Bellamy');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('All men have an instinct for conflict: at least, all healthy men.','Hilaire Belloc');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I said to Heart, How goes it? Heart replied: Right as a Ribstone Pippin!','Hilaire Belloc');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The moment a man talks to his fellows he begins to lie.','Hilaire Belloc');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isnt the work hes supposed to be doing at the moment.','Robert Benchley');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('For a nation which has an almost evil reputation for bustle, bustle, bustle, and rush, rush, rush, we spend an enormous amount of time standing around in line in front of windows, just waiting.','Robert Benchley');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I do most of my work sitting down; thats where I shine.','Robert Benchley');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.','Robert Benchley');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world, and those who dont.','Benchleys Law of Distinction');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('When people go to work, they shouldnt have to leave their hearts at home.','Betty Bender');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Life is not lost by dying; life is lost minute by minute, day by dragging day, in all the thousand small uncaring ways.','Stephen Vincent Benet');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('By losing present time, we lose all time.','W Gurney Benham');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('When you see a snake, never mind where he came from.','W Gurney Benham');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy.','Ernest Benn');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts.','Arnold Bennett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Having once decided to achieve a certain task, achieve it at all costs of tedium and distaste. The gain in self-confidence of having accomplished a tiresome labour is immense.','Thomas Arnold Bennett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('It is well, when judging a friend, to remember that he is judging you with the same godlike and superior impartiality.','Arnold Bennett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('It is within the experience of everyone that when pleasure and pain reach a certain intensity they are indistinguishable.','Thomas Arnold Bennett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The great advantage of being in a rut is that when one is in a rut, one knows exactly where one is.','Arnold Bennett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Well, my deliberate opinion is - its a jolly strange world.','Arnold Bennett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I think one of the reasons Im popular again is because Im wearing a tie. You have to be different.','Tony Bennett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Blessed is he who has reached the point of no return and knows it, for he shall enjoy living.','W C Bennett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('We must develop a fair appreciation for the real strengths and limitations of government effort on behalf of children. Government, obviously, cannot fill a childs emotional needs. Nor can it fill his spiritual and moral needs. Government is not a father or mother. Government has never raised a child, and it never will.','William J Bennett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Ive never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.','Basketball Forward Winston Bennett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('A desire to be in charge of our own lives, a need for control, is born in each of us. It is essential to our mental health, and our success, that we take control.','Robert F Bennett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Your life is the sum result of all the choices you make, both consciously and unconsciously. If you can control the process of choosing, you can take control of all aspects of your life. You can find the freedom that comes from being in charge of yourself.','Robert F Bennett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('honour the ocean of love.','George de Benneville');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('... We must move from ... the primacy of technology toward considerations of social justice and equity, from the dictates of organizational convenience toward the aspirations of self realization and learning, from authoritarianism and dogmatism toward more participation, from uniformity and centralization toward diversity and pluralism, from the concept of work as hard and unavoidable, from life as nasty, brutish, and short toward work as purpose and self-fulfilment, a recognition of leisure as a valid activity in itself.','Warren Bennis');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('You wouldnt dare say that if I had my writers here!','Jack Benny');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('As I make my slow pilgrimage through the world, a certain sense of beautiful mystery seems to gather and grow.','A C Benson');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I am sure it is ones duty as a teacher to try to show boys that no opinions, no tastes, no emotions are worth much unless they are ones own. I suffered acutely as a boy from the lack of being shown this.','A C Benson');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Ones mind has a way of making itself up in the background, and it suddenly becomes clear what one means to do.','A C Benson');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('People seldom refuse help, if one offers it in the right way.','A C Benson');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Every law is an infraction of liberty.','Jeremy Bentham');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Fashion, which elevates the bad to the level of the good, subsequently turns its back on bad and good alike.','Eric Bently');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I believe that mink are raised for being turned into fur coats and if we didnt wear fur coats those little animals would never have been born. So is it better not to have been born or to have lived for a year or two to have been turned into a fur coat? I dont know.','Barbi Benton');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year ago.','Bernard Berenson');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Hard work never killed anybody but why take a chance?','Edgar Bergen');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I may climb perhaps to no great heights, but I will climb alone.','Cyrano De Bergerac');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Everything is worth precisely as much as a belch, the difference being that a belch is more satisfying.','Ingmar Bergman');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I hope I never get so old I get religious.','Ingmar Bergman');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Happiness is good health and a bad memory.','Ingrid Bergman');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Sex-appeal is the keynote of our whole civilization.','Henri Bergson');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The universe is a machine for creating gods.','Henri Louis Bergson');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabors sixth husband. I know what Im supposed to do, but I dont know how to make it interesting.','Milton Berle, when called to the microphone at the 2nd Annual Comedians Hall of Fame Inductions');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If opportunity doesnt knock, build a door.','Milton Berle');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Success is one unpardonable sin against ones fellows.','Irving Berlin');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.','Hector Louis Berlioz');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('A hotel is a place that keeps the manufacturers of 25-watt bulbs in business.','Shelley Berman');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The investigator should have a robust faith ... and yet not believe.','Physiologist Claude Bernard');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If you want to recapture your youth, just cut off his allowance.','Al Bernstein');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('We treat this world of ours as though we have a spare in the trunk.','Al Bernstein');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('A liberal is a man or a woman or a child who looks forward to a better day, a more tranquil night, and a bright, infinite future.','Leonard Bernstein');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If people dont want to come out to the ball park, nobodys going to stop them.','Yogi Berra');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If you dont know where youre going, youll end up somewhere else.','Yogi Berra');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Its not over until its over.','Yogi Berra');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Ninety percent of the game is half mental.','Yogi Berra');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('No wonder nobody comes here... its too crowded.','Yogi Berra');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('We have deep depth.','Yogi Berra');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('We made too many wrong mistakes.','Yogi Berra');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('You can observe a lot just by watching.','Yogi Berra');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('You got to be careful if you dont know where youre going, because you might not get there.','Yogi Berra');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('To cherish what remains of the Earth and to foster its renewal is our only legitimate hope of survival.','Wendell Berry');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('We have reason to be afraid. This is a terrible place.','John Berryman');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('It is only the dead who do not return.','Samedi Bertrand');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Patience with others is Love, Patience with self is Hope, Patience with God is Faith.','Adel Bestavros');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Vigny, more secret. As if in his tower of ivory, retired before noon.','Charles Augustin Sainte-Beuve, refering to Comte de Vigny, who locked himself in an ivory tower to work without the influences of man and desire');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('While it cannot be proved retrospectively that any experience of possession, conversion, revelation, or divine ecstasy was merely an epileptic discharge, we must ask how one differentiates "real transcendence" from neuropathies that produce the same extreme realness, profundity, ineffability, and sense of cosmic unity. When accounts of sudden religious conversions in TLEs [temporal lobe epileptics] are laid alongside the epiphanous revelations of the religious tradition, the parallels are striking. The same is true of the recent spate of alleged UFO abductees. Parsimony alone argues against invoking spirits, demons, or extraterrestrials when natural causes will suffice.','Barry L Beyerstein');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Love is the crocodile on the river of desire.','Bhartrihari');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('If you love god, burn a church.','Jello Biafra');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('It is better to decide between our enemies than our friends; for one of our friends will most likely become our enemy; but on the other hand, one of your enemies will probably become your friend.','Bias');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.','The Bible');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Set me as a seal upon thy heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death.','The Bible');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear.','The Bible');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('... But as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witchcraft and executed was without a flaw; it is still unimpeachable. The judges decisions based on it were sound in logic and in law. Nothing in any existing court was ever more thoroughly proved than the charges of witchcraft and sorcery for which so many suffered death. If there were no witches, human testimony and human reason are alike destitute of value.','Ambrose Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Abatis: Rubbish in front of a fort, to prevent the rubbish outside from molesting the rubbish inside.','Ambrose Gwinett Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Abdication: An act whereby a sovereign attests his sense of the high temperature of the throne.','Ambrose Gwinett Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Abscond: To "move in a mysterious way," commonly with the property of another.','Ambrose Gwinett Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.','Ambrose Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Absurdity: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with ones own opinion.','Ambrose Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Accuse: To affirm anothers guilt or unworth; most commonly as a justification of ourselves for having wronged him.','Ambrose Gwinett Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Achievement: The death of endeavour and the birth of disgust.','Ambrose Gwinett Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Acquaintance: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.','Ambrose Gwinett Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Age: That period of life in which we compound for the vices that we still cherish by reviling those that we no longer have the enterprise to commit.','Ambrose Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('All are lunatics, but he who can analyse his delusions is called a philosopher.','Ambrose Gwinett Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Ardour: The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge.','Ambrose Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Beauty: The power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.','Ambrose Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Birth: The first and direst of all disasters.','Ambrose Gwinett Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Bore: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.','Ambrose Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Capital: The seat of misgovernment. That which provides the fire, the pot, the dinner, the table and the knife and fork for the anarchist; the part of the repast that himself supplies is the disgrace before meat.','Ambrose Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Christian: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the needs of his neighbours.','Ambrose Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.','Ambrose Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Destiny: A tyrants authority for crime and a fools excuse for failure.','Ambrose Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Dont steal; thoult never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.','Ambrose Gwinett Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.','Ambrose Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks, without knowledge, of things without parallel.','Ambrose Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Future: That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true, and our happiness is assured.','Ambrose Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('honourable: Afflicted with an impediment in ones reach. In legislative bodies, it is customary to mention all members as honourable; as, `the honourable gentleman is a scurvy cur.','Ambrose Gwinett Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honoured that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.','Ambrose Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.','Ambrose Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Lawyer: One skilled in the circumvention of the law.','Ambrose Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacitates of the human misunderstanding.','Ambrose Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder... It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient.','Ambrose Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Mad: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.','Ambrose Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Marriage: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.','Ambrose Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.','Ambrose Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('neighbour: One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.','Ambrose Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Novel: A short story padded.','Ambrose Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Ocean: A body of water occupying 2/3 of a world made for man ... who has no gills.','Ambrose Gwinnet Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Optimism: The doctrine that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and everything right that is wrong. ... It is hereditary, but fortunately not contagious.','Ambrose Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Patience: A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.','Ambrose Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Peace: international affairs, is a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.','Ambrose Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Pray: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.','Ambrose Gwinnet Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Quotation: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another. The words erroneously repeated.','Ambrose Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Religion: A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.','Ambrose Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited.','Ambrose Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Story: A narrative, commonly untrue.','Ambrose Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Success is the one unpardonable sin against ones fellows.','Ambrose Gwinett Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The cover of this book are too far apart.','Ambrose Gwinett Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavour upon the business known as gambling.','Ambrose Gwinett Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity.','Ambrose Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.','Ambrose Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Think twice before you speak to a friend in need.','Ambrose Gwinett Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Ugliness: A gift of the gods to certain women, entailing virtue without humility.','Ambrose Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('We know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road. They get run over.','Ambrose Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Wit: The salt with which the American humorist spoils his cookery... by leaving it out.','Ambrose Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Worship: Homo Creators testimony to the sound construction and fine finish of Deus Creatus. A popular form of abjection, having an element of pride.','Ambrose Gwinett Bierce');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Advice is like castor oil, easy to give, but dreadful to take.','Josh Billings');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.','Josh Billings');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there.','Josh Billings');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius.','Josh Billings');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Dont take the bull by the horns, take him by the tail; then you can let go when you want to.','Josh Billings');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.','Josh Billings');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Genius aint anything more than elegant common sense.','Josh Billings');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Honesty is the rarest wealth anyone can possess, and yet all the honesty in the world aint lawful tender for a loaf of bread.','Josh Billings');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Laughter is the sensation of feeling good all over, and showing it principally on one spot.','Josh Billings');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.','Josh Billings');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope.','Josh Billings');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Never run into debt, not if you can find anything else to run into.','Josh Billings');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('One of rarest things that a man ever does is to do the best he can.','Josh Billings');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Seven per cent has no rest, nor no religion, it works nights, and Sundays, and even wet days.','Josh Billings');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute.','Josh Billings');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Solitude is a good place to visit, but a poor place to stay.','Josh Billings');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The best time to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust.','Josh Billings');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his way.','Josh Billings');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('There is nothing so easy to learn as experience and nothing so hard to apply.','Josh Billings');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('When a young man begins to go down hill everything seems to be greased for the occasion.','Josh Billings');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I date this girl for two years... and then the nagging starts: "I wanna know your name."','Mike Binder');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Never moon a werewolf.','Mike Binder');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Nothing can occur beyond the strength of faith to sustain, or, transcending the resources of religion, to relieve.','Binney');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('To be unable to bear an ill is itself a great ill.','Bion');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('On the edge of destiny, you must test your strength.','Billy Bishop');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('A little caution outflanks a large cavalry.','Bismarck');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Laws are like sausages, it is better not to see them being made.','Otto von Bismarck');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('People never lie so much as after a hunt, during a war or before an election.','Otto von Bismarck');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('There is only one greater folly than that of the fool who says in his heart there is no God, and that is the folly of the people that says with its head that it does not know whether there is a God or not.','Otto von Bismarck');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Universal suffrage is the government of a house by its nursery.','Otto von Bismarck');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The Social Sciences are good at accounting for disasters once they have taken place.','Claude T Bissell');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.','David Bissonette');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The First Amendment has erected a wall between church and state. That wall must be kept high and impregnable. We could not approve the slightest breach.','US Supreme Court Justice Hugo L Black');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.','Shirley Temple Black');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('May every young scientist remember... and not fail to keep his eyes open for the possibility that an irritating failure of his apparatus to give consistent results may once or twice in a lifetime conceal an important discovery.','Patrick Blackett');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('It is better that ten guilty persons escape than that one innocent suffer.','William Blackstone');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('A truth thats told with bad intent Beats all the lies you can invent.','William Blake');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Better murder an infant in its cradle than nurse an unacted desire.','William Blake');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Eternity is in love with the production of time.','Blake');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Exuberance is beauty.','William Blake');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('He who binds to himself a joy Does the winged life destroy; But he who kisses the joy as it files Lives in eternitys sun rise.','William Blake');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I must create a system or be enslaved by another mans; I will not reason and compare: my business is to create.','William Blake');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I was angry with my friend: I told my wrath, my wrath did end. I was angry with my foe: I told it not, my wrath did grow.','William Blake');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.','William Blake');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Little Lamb who made thee? Dost thou know who made thee?','William Blake');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Love seeketh not Itself to please, Nor for itself hath any care, But for another gives it ease, And builds a Heaven in Hells despair.','William Blake');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('No bird soars too high, if he soars with his own wings.','William Blake');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Prisons are built with stones of Law, Brothels with bricks of Religion.','William Blake');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('There are things that are known and things that are unknown. In between are doors.','William Blake');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('This lifes dim windows of the soul Distorts the heavens from pole to pole And leads you to believe a lie When you see with, not through, the eye.','William Blake');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Thy friendship oft has made my heart to ache; do be my enemy-for friendships sake.','William Blake');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('What is now proved was once only imagined.','William Blake');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('When I tell the truth, it is not for the sake of convincing those who do not know it, but for the sake of defending those that do.','William Blake');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('When nations grow old, the arts grow cold and commerce settles on every tree.','William Blake');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Love is the immortal flow of energy that nourishes, extends and preserves. Its eternal goal is life.','Smiley Blanton');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('It was mentioned on CNN that the new prime number discovered recently is four times bigger then the previous record.','John Blasik');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The purpose of the present course is the deepening and development of difficulties underlying contemporary theory...','A A Blasov');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('There are, properly speaking, two ONES the One on the unreachable plane of Absoluteness and Infinity, on which no speculation is possible, and the Second One on the plane of Emanations. The former can neither emanate nor be divided, as it is eternal, absolute, and immutable. The Second, being, so to speak, the reflection of the first One, can do all this.','H P Blavatsky');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Love matches are made by people who are content, for a month of honey, to condemn themselves to a life of vinegar.','Countess of Blessington');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('There is no cosmetic for beauty like happiness.','Countess of Blessington');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Hold the fort, for I am coming.','Philip Bliss');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Marriage is not a ritual or an end. It is a long, intricate, intimate dance together and nothing matters more than your own sense of balance and your choice of partner.','Amy Bloom');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The first sign of a nervous breakdown is when you start thinking your work is terribly important.','Milo Bloom');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('There is a God, but He drinks.','Blore');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The last time somebody said, I find I can write much better with a word processor., I replied, They used to say the same thing about drugs.','Roy Blount, Jr');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('I have a great diet. Youre allowed to eat anything you want, but you must eat it with naked fat people.','Ed Bluestone');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Did you ever notice when you blow in a dogs face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.','Steve Bluestone');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The best people to work with are criminals. And the reason is; They know how to evade the law locally. They have the networks, the hideouts, they know who in the government is corrupt. They probably have already bought the police. They are perfect natural allies.','Jack Blum, US Senate Special Counsel');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.','Paul Boese');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Life is to be enjoyed and if it is not, it makes people ill in one way or another.','Louise Bogan');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.','Humphrey Bogart');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.','Humphrey Bogart');
INSERT INTO Quotes (Quote,Author) VALUES('An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field.','Niels Bohr');