 ZURÜCK
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"The
sky is not the limit, the ground is !"
Nach einer etwas härteren Landung in VIE
war folgende Ansage in der Kabine zu hören.
"Meine
Damen und Herren, hart aber herzlich willkommen
in VIE."
Occasionally,
airline attendants make an effort
to make the "in-flight safety lecture"
a bit more entertaining.
Here are some real examples that have been heard
or reported:
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- "As we
prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray
tables and seat backs are fully upright in their
most uncomfortable position."
- "There may be
50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4
ways out of this airplane ..."
- Taxiing down the
tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned
around and returned to the gate.
After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A
concerned passenger asked the flight attendant,
"What was the problem?"
"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard
in the engine," explained the flight
attendant,
"and it took us a while to find a new
pilot."
- Part of a Flight
Attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like
to thank you folks for flying with us today. And,
the next time you get the insane urge to go
blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal
tube, we hope you'll think of us here at US
Airways."
- "We do
feature a smoking section on this flight; if you
must smoke, contact a member of the flight
crew and we will escort you to the wing of the
airplane.
- As we waited just
off the runway for another airliner to cross in
front of us, some of the passengers were
beginning to retrieve luggage from the overhead
bins. The head attendant announced on the
intercom,"This aircraft is equipped
with a video surveillance system that
monitors the cabin during taxiing. Any
passengers not remaining in their
seats until the aircraft comes to a
full and complete stop at the gate will be
strip-searched as they leave the aircraft."
- "Your seat
cushions can be used for floatation, and in the
event of an emergency water landing, please take
them with our compliments."
- "Should the
cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from
the overhead area. Please place
the bag over your own mouth and nose
before assisting children or adults
acting like children."
- "As you exit
the plane, please make sure to gather all of
your belongings. Anything left behind
will be distributed
evenly among the flight attendants.
Please do not leave children or spouses."
- "Last
one off the plane must clean it."
- And from the
pilot during his welcome message: "We are
pleased to have some of the best
flight attendants
in the industry... Unfortunately none
of them are on this flight ... !
- Heard on Southwest
Airlines just after a very hard landing in
Salt Lake City: The flight attendant
came on the intercom
and said, "That
was quite a bump and I know what
ya'll are thinking. I'm here to tell you it
wasn't the airlines fault,
it wasn't the pilots fault, it wasn't
the flight attendants fault ... it was
the asphalt !"
- Overheard on an
American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on
a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the
final approach the Captain was really
having to fight it. After an extremely hard
landing, the Flight Attendant came on the PA
and announced, "Ladies and
Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please
remain in your seats with your seat
belts fastened while the Captain taxis
what's left of our airplane to the gate
!"
- "Smoking in
the lavatories is prohibited. Any person
caught smoking in the lavatories will be
asked to leave the plane immediately."
- As the plane
landed and was coming to a stop at
Washington National, a lone voice
comes over the loudspeaker:
"Whoa, big fella...WHOA..!"
- Another flight
Attendant's comment on a less than perfect
landing:
"We ask you to please remain seated as
Captain Kangaroo bounces us
to the terminal."
- After a
particularly rough landing during thunderstorms
in Memphis, a flight attendant on a
Northwest flight
announced: "Please take care
when opening the overhead compartments
because, after a landing like that,
sure as hell, everything has shifted."
- From a Southwest
Airlines employee ... "Welcome aboard
Southwest Flight XXX, to YYY. To
operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab
into the buckle, and pull tight. It
works just like every other seat belt, and
if you don't know how to operate one,
you probably shouldn't be out in public
unsupervised.
- In the event of a
sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks
will descend from the ceiling. Stop
screaming, grab the mask,and pull it over
your face. If you have a small child traveling
with you, secure your mask
before assisting with theirs.
If you are traveling with two
small children, decide now which one you
love more.
- Weather at our
destination is 50 degrees with some broken
clouds, but they'll try to
have them fixed before we arrive. Thank
you, and remember, nobody loves you,
or your money, more than Southwest
Airlines."
- After a real
crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight
Attendant came on with, "Ladies and
Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until
Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the
aircraft to a screeching halt up against the
gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and
the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the
door and you can pick your way through the
wreckage to the terminal."
- Overheard on an
American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on
a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the
final approach the Captain was really having to
fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the
Flight Attendant came on the PA and announced,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo.
Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts
fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of
our airplane to the gate !"
- On a plane bound
for New York the flight attendant approached a
blonde sitting in the first class section
and requested that she move to coach since she
did not have a first class ticket.
The blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm
beautiful, I'm going to New York, and I'm not
moving."
Not wanting to argue with a customer the flight
attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her.
He went to talk with the woman asking her to
please move out of the first class section.
Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm
beautiful, I'm going to New York, and I'm not
moving."
The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked
the captain what he should do.
The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde,
and I know how to handle this."
He went to the first class section and whispered
in the blonde's ear. She immediately jumped up
and ran to the coach section mumbling to herself,
"Why didn't anyone just say so."
Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot
asked what he said to her that finally convinced
her to move from her seat.
The pilot replied, "I told her the first
class section wasn't going to New York."
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